Ben and I had planned to eat breakfast together and he bought a bottle of Bucks Fizz and some pastries. He was getting picked up at ten by Amy’s brother, so he could have a drink and not have to worry about his car. I didn’t ask whether he would be spending the night, it wasn’t something I wanted to think about. His overnight bag by the door alongside a gift bag of neatly wrapped presents told me all I needed to know. The croissants were already in the oven when I got back from my run, but I had a quick shower before we ate.

‘I got you something,’ Ben said, tiny red blotches appearing on his cheeks. He pushed a small silver box decorated with a red bow across the table.

‘Thank you,’ I said, lifting the lid and opening a fold of tissue paper to reveal a silver necklace with a circle pendant. Engraved on the pendant were the words ‘still I rise’ and, underneath, a semicolon. My eyes watered as I stared at it. It may have been the best gift I’d ever been given.

‘It’s the semicolon, you know, apparently it’s the sign for “survivor”,’ he explained.

‘Yes, I’ve seen it before. I love it, thank you.’ I took it out of the box and put it on, my fingers caressing the pendant. I wiped my eyes and felt foolish for getting emotional. I had to restrain myself from jumping onto his lap. Oblivious to my struggle, Ben relaxed now he knew I liked it, but his face remained red. ‘I got you something too.’ I went to grab his satchel which I’d wrapped the night before, tying it with green ribbon.

He cleared space on the table and opened it, tearing the paper off like a child.

‘It’s wicked, thanks Eve. I love it.’ It was always nerve-racking giving presents, unsure whether you’d made a good choice or missed the mark. From the look on Ben’s face, I had got it right. He awarded me a kiss on the cheek for my efforts and my stomach flipped. God I was tragic. He wasn’t mine to lust after.

All too soon it was ten o’clock and Ben hugged me goodbye. I squeezed him tighter than I should have, resisting the urge to pull him in an embrace and make him stay.

‘Will you be okay?’ he asked.

‘Of course, I’m going to start drinking at lunchtime, I’ve got snacks and movies. I’ll be fine. Go and have a great time.’ I felt like his mum sending him off, but I wanted to get him out of the door as I was struggling to hold it together. It was silly, but it’d been an emotional morning. Ben was a good friend and, perhaps, if I admitted it to myself, I loved him.