To an outsider it would have looked as though I had a crush but having to mask the revulsion was challenging. I could feel my throat closing, not wanting to breathe the same air as him. It hit me then that he was my rapist, without a doubt. It was the closest I’d been to him face to face. There was no mistaking his eyes. They were like no other. Desolate and detached, just a void. Grateful for the contact lenses and hair to mask who I was. I toyed with the idea of abandoning the plan altogether, but he was a predator, stalking women and subjecting them to disgusting acts of sexual violence. He’d degraded me in the worse possible way and I hated him so much my insides burned with it.

How many other women had he attacked whilst I’d been getting closer to him at the gym? The blonde woman hadn’t reported hers, or if she had it wasn’t in the papers. I squeezed my jaw tight, my entire body reacting to his presence. Being in the same room as Ian was just about tolerable. Up close he made my temperature spike, anger mixed with fear. I made sure I left the gym whilst he was still mid-workout, it was no different to any other day, but I felt spooked.

Detective Emmerson hadn’t been in touch, but that wasn’t a surprise. I guessed she had no news to give me. I wished I could reach out to the blonde girl in the alleyway, offer her comfort and support. I was doing this for her, for me and all the others whose lives had been ruined.

Thursday 23 November 2017

The following day when I saw Ian at the gym, I approached him. He was by the water fountain, waiting for the weights to become free, so I went to fill my bottle. I nodded and said hello, briefly locking eyes before concentrating on filling my bottle. I hoped he would open a line of conversation. The tap ran slow. Seconds passed and an awkward silence filled the space. Was he not attracted to women in real life scenarios?

‘They need more weights in here.’ He sighed but showed no sign of irritation.

I swallowed hard, I could do this. All I had to do was open my mouth and reply. My hands trembled, and I concentrated hard to ensure the twitch in my leg wasn’t obvious.

‘Yeah.’

Great job, Eve.

I tried again. My tongue feeling too large for my mouth. ‘Maybe Ahmed could get rid of some of the mats and put more weights there. I only see them being used by Yoga girl.’

He chuckled whilst I berated myself for inventing a new superhero.

‘Good idea. I mean, who stretches to that extent anyway?’ He winked at me and my stomach dropped.