S A dappled-grey donkey meandered up some steps, like a tired farmhand returning from work, lost in his thoughts

J Hills, streets, squares, a river gorge, an old bridge …

S Jessie, we’ve got to go see the Palace of the Alhambra at Granada; otherwise it’s like visiting London without a trip down The Mall

J We don’t need villages or any more oversized houses like that Versailles. Don’t need anything but each other, do we, Stanley?

S I’ve started to long for a walk alone, along the beach at sunset, to collect my thoughts before they go completely awol

J Space? Look at the sky overhead. Look at the sea yonder. Look at the mountains behind us. There’s space, if you want space

S There’s not one of me any more. I’m a proper twosome

J We’re a knuckle and joint; separate and we’ll dislocate

S Gibraltar is only down the road; I’ll be gone a few hours

J We’ll go together. When the season’s over and the weather’s cooler

S You’re right. Gibraltar is for the lowest form of humanity – tourists. Let’s leave it. And anyway, I just lurve vegetating

J It’s called relaxation, Stanley. I’m saving you from a future pace-maker

S Oh, look, surprise, surprise, the sky is blue today, again

J You can’t let your puppy dog off the lead; before you know it, he’ll be humping some young bitch in the bushes

S I listen to the radio wittering on all day long: Jessie FM

J If it’s one thing I’m good at, it’s communication

S She clings to me while sleeping; there’s a sticky film of sweat between us, but if I try to budge, she grips tighter

J You have to savour it while it’s here; save up some loving memories for later

S There’s a reason why the City Fathers created the two-week holiday. All this free time. I need to be doing something

J Are you saying you want to go home to your nine-to-five?

S I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else or with anyone else (God, I sound like Clark Gable). Now take this tissue and wipe your eyes

J So, we’ll relax while it’s hot, set to some money-making ventures when it’s not

S And stop using my plastic fantastic? I’m not used to spending more than I earn

J Do I detect a mean streak in you, Mr Williams? Our rent here is twenty pounds a week!

S The mechanics of my brain need WD-40. My dick too. It’s all going to pot

J Less than once a week now, which I put down to the heat. And I’m the one who always has to initiate, which is boring

S When you get it on demand, it becomes less desirable