‘I got this jumper in Benetton,’ I say.

She pinches at the fluffy red mohair.

‘Looks nice,’ she says.

‘It was in the sales,’ I say. ‘I’ve been invited to a party.’

‘That’s nice,’ my mother says.

The lid slams back.

SPAGHETTI

Three Months Earlier

cumulonimbus

Sent: 13/11/2015 – 01:06

Dear Lili,

This message will come to you, no doubt, as a surprise. You don’t know who I am, and I should say now that, unfortunately, this shall remain so for a little while longer. I know, I know, I don’t even have a profile picture, yet this is anything but one of those pathetic copy-and-paste jobs, that much I can promise you. The reason I ask you to wait before I reveal myself is simple: should I do it now there is still the possibility that you would take my efforts the wrong way, thinking me some kind of common man who only wishes to attract a pretty girl’s attention. Which I guess I am, in a way. (There is no denying that you are a very beautiful woman.) But also … I like you. I do. I worry you might think I’m nothing special. So I guess I’m just trying to make sure you like me enough before I reveal my identity. I feel no shame in telling you this. I’m only being honest. Isn’t that what all human beings want? To be liked. We know that the lasting impression of a person leaves its imprint on others within thirty seconds of first meeting. Life is ruthless, isn’t it? Online dating allows us to entertain a little shyness, thank God, so I thought given the chance I would buy myself a little time. I ask you, please, will you allow me a little mystery before that first fatal handshake? Before we establish that first eye contact that I hope will be sustained between us for a very long time? In time, Lili, I promise I’ll reveal all. For now, just trust me enough to read on.