I have a strange dream. Alanna and I are performing giants with a joint act on the uneven bars. It is an important competition, perhaps the Olympic Games. It is obvious we both know the routine to a tee, to the point that we are both collaborating and competing, and this is what makes us such a strong team. We are spinning in opposite directions and I can only see flashes of her: her white thighs speeding past me as our outstretched bodies cross at the apex of the exercise, her fists white with talcum powder and the effort of holding the bar, white hairband, a halo of wet baby hair. When her baby-blue eyes fly open like a spring doll’s, my hand misses the bar.

MOBILE TOP-UP

Nearly Ten Years Earlier

FROM: +44 797 2397555

01/07/06 — 10:34

hi handsome, so lovely

to meet u yesterday

this is my nr

catch ya on the flipside.

miss candy kane xoxo

TO: +44 797 2397555

01/07/06 — 16:41

who is this? is this ruth

beadle? if so, very lovely

to meet you, too! Sorry for the

late reply – was walking

the Germans, you know what

it’s like. well no maybe you don’t.

never mind, nice to hear from you

anyway, hi! X

FROM: +44 797 2397555

01/07/06 — 16:42

sorry who is this?

TO: +44 797 2397555

01/07/06 — 16:43

sorry my name is neil pratchett,

got a message from this

number? must’ve got the wrong

number, sorry

FROM: +44 797 2397555

01/07/06 — 16:45

wait, is this neil from

the hotel? how did u

get my number?

TO: +44 797 2397555

01/07/06 — 16:45

is this ruth beadle? i didn’t

get your number you

just sent me a message!

FROM: RUTH BEADLE???

01/07/06 — 16:46

this is ruth beadle, yes but

i didn’t send you a message.

TO: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 16:50

‘hi handsome, so lovely

to meet u yesterday

this is my nr

catch ya on the flipside.

miss candy kane xoxo’

FROM: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 16:52

u got that from my number

????? when?????

TO: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 16:55

i don’t know, this morning?

i was working. not on

phone x

FROM: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 16:57

o i’m sorry

that would’ve been

alanna. my friend?

TO: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 16:59

your friend alanna? texting

from your phone? x

FROM: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 17:02

we were in airport

must’ve taken my

phone while I was

in the bathroom.

TO: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 17:05

why would she send me

a text from your phone?

TO: ALANNA ROME

01/07/06 — 17:06

hey did you text me

this morning? xx

FROM: ALANNA ROME

01/07/06 — 17:12

ding dong!

whos there?

a text

message from

the love of your life

dickhead

FROM: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 17:12

i don’t have a clue,

why would she?

TO: ALANNA ROME

01/07/06 — 17:12

i don’t know what you’re

talking about? did you guys

get home safe?

TO: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 17:14

why would she?

TO: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 17:16

why would she?

FROM: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 17:17

come on,

i know the story.

any girl would be

pissed off

TO: RUTH BEADLE

01/07/06 — 17:17

pissed off about what?

FROM: ALANNA ROME

01/07/06 — 17:21

got home all right

idk about safe

til I get tested tbh

yr a cunt u kno that

TO: ALANNA ROME

01/07/06 — 17:22

wow, what the fuck