The booklet also reduces the need for conversation. It provides families with the correct language for grief, a prescriptive emotional route. But we nurses are already well acquainted with that path. That’s why it hadn’t occurred to me to actually take a look beyond the periwinkle cover. That stuff is for beginners.

Today, during my lunch break the limp illustration of a lily called out to me from the rack. I was sitting behind my desk. I’ve been unable to eat for days and my stomach feels like it has shrunk to the size of a fist. Caffeinated drinks keep me going: there’s the shadow of a migraine constantly lingering at eye level and a silver can constantly clenched in my hand.

Funny how some things become meaningful only when you are very, very sad. This lily has suddenly fulfilled its intended role as a clever, multi-layered metaphor for the end of life’s natural cycle – gentle decay, sweet final death, the syrupy smell of funeral flowers. Isn’t it funny how the deeper meaning of these things only manifests for those who already grasp it somehow, slipping unnoticed past those who don’t? They pay people handsomely to come up with this sort of trick. Nice job, everyone.

On page one there is an introduction penned in a slanting, longhand font, conveying both intimacy and authority. It’s hard to read, presumably because everyone knows doctors have terrible handwriting.

Grief is most often associated with the loss of a loved one. However, someone who has suffered a subtler loss can still experience grief. You may experience grief on the occasion of the death of a beloved pet, retirement from your career, selling your family home, or the end of a relationship.

Mona waved as she came through the front door and past the reception desk. We call reception ‘the Goldfish Bowl’ because you are tragically visible inside it. There’s nowhere to hide. The plants are offensively green, polymeric. I flattened the booklet on to the desk then slipped it into the pocket of my smock as she rounded the corner to the back door. I took the booklet home with me at the end of my shift.

TAMPONS

Fourteen Years Earlier

21:31, 09/02/2002

[ IS ONLINE]

says:

trace babe u there?

says:

hiiiiiiiii

says:

fully done w maths for tonight

says:

girl

says:

literally just came out of rehearsals

says:

wow thats late

says:

yup

says:

miss was in a real mood tonite she wouldnt let us leave unless we finished the whole routine

says:

no mistakes

says:

jesus

says:

that woman behaves like shes the royal ballet

says:

ya well

says:

shes gonna break u one day or another

says:

it takes what it takes innit

says:

so u get me

says:

was hoping I could take a peek at yr homework tmw :P

says:

ah yes

says:

gna be carnage

says:

rly?

says:

cld u not work it out either

says:

not rly

says: