So: I like you. You might be wondering, how do I know? Well you have a delightful profile picture, for starters. You look like a little pixie. So tiny, so perfectly chiselled, like a precious little bird. You have wonderful eyes, so deep and dark. Sorry I just had to tell you that. There’s more. In saying this I am painfully aware that you might think I am already overstepping the mark. I have different friends with different opinions, but most of them agree that online dating is a way to meet new people – the etiquette says you should ignore the people you do know. You must get so much attention on this website, and God knows there are too many creeps in the world, so what are my chances, really? I wonder. But Lili, the button to click to write to you is right there, flashing, top right on the page. I only need to click on it to have a chance to talk to you – really talk to you, not on opposite sides of a counter. I may as well come clean now. I am a Fasta regular. Oh yeah, baby, can’t get enough of that fresh spaghetti!

Sorry, you must hear that all day long from your customers. Why would you waste your precious time on a lengthy online conversation with someone you regularly ignore in real life? This is what I hope to demonstrate. Let me state my case.