In this dream we are kissing, nothing else, kneeling on a bed half undressed, and our hands are locked together into knots at the sides of our bodies. In my dreams there are no smells, but I remember thinking, upon waking, that her breath must’ve smelled of berries, the way no real girl’s breath smells. In the dream I could feel her smooth stomach, her hairless skin frictionless against my pelvis.

Alanna commands henchwomen. She didn’t have to go looking for them; they just appeared at her side, hired by management as a pair. They’re even more useless than Alanna in terms of actual output. We call them the Lolitas, Las Lolitas sometimes; Mona came up with it. The two of them are near identical, perfectly groomed and prettier than any pet I’ve ever met. Cute pair of toy poodles, the Lolitas – one red, one black: ginger-haired Emmy with the freckles, and Bex with the cat-eye make-up and the jet-black geometrical bangs. This month, they’re both real into yellow. We summon them when we’re trying to seal a deal on a long-term in-patient because, like poodles, they amuse the rich ladies and shake their little fluffy tails for their husbands. Melissa obviously adores them. They are cute and harmless, although extremely annoying. And, like poodles, they are fiercely protective of their mistress. They look after pocket-sized Alanna with blind dedication.

Like them – more so – she is perfectly ownable, and sure enough, she has found her true master. Her new fiancé works in construction, as a contractor. Easy to remember, she giggles. According to Alanna, this means he signs contracts for buildings to be built and never does any physical work, although he does work out in the gym, she reassures me. She winks. This, she explains, tipped the scales towards marriage, because come on, if a man who decides whether buildings are fit to exist can’t offer stability, then who the hell can? Neil was an accountant. ‘Remember Neil, Alanna?’ I want to say. Well, he liked even numbers and instruction booklets and meeting requirements and corporate health retreats. A sound, honest guy, yet not without his quirks: he was unafraid of looking at the wine card when all his mates were ordering pints. Who could’ve imagined he would behave like he did? This sensitive, clever man who sought the good pleasures in life: a glass of fruity white wine, and pimento olives, and having sex from behind. Alanna already knows that last bit. She saw through it all, years ago. Perhaps Alanna has always been wiser than me – certainly luckier. Perhaps she really has no need to worry that what happened to me could happen to her.

‘I thought stability made you sick to your gut,’ I say.