There was one downside. One of us had to work on location at all times. We didn’t trust them out there on their own. We helped the kids to settle in and made sure that check-in and check-out duties were performed efficiently. To begin with, everyone was enthusiastic: the month abroad was a nice change of scene that came with a healthy extra-time salary bump. Soon, though, subscription rates started dropping: two years down the line Mrs Hewlett was nervous she wouldn’t find any takers. No one discussed their experiences, but the general vibe strongly indicated that the job wasn’t exactly all fun and no business. I kept a low profile when the subject came up, trying to give off a shy vibe, as if I was too inexperienced to take up such a responsibility. But I’d just volunteered.

Which meant I was going to spend a good chunk of my summer cleaning up freshers’ vomit somewhere on the continent and I only had myself to blame.

Except, of course, I’m the luckiest motherfucker of all. Six days later, on a Saturday morning, as I was sitting there, sourly contemplating my future, a small blonde student, sweetly buck-toothed, all curves and freckles, came into the agency. I recognized her, vaguely, as one of the students from across the road, though she bore no relation to my girl.

This girl came up to my desk, both because it was the only one free – everyone else was proficiently engaged in phone calls and talking to customers – and also, I suspected, because she was wanting to talk to me specifically. She made eye contact with me as she came through the door. I asked her name. She said Alanna and giggled for no apparent reason. Aimee turned to look at me, phone nestled between her ear and her shoulder. Already I found Alanna a bit irritating. I dislike women who attract a lot of attention. You know girls that age, they’re like rodents, they get excited about nothing. They have that franticness about them. They fall for people that don’t even exist. Little critters. Nothing like my girl. Nothing to link this strawberry-blonde girl to my girl at all. This one was so common, so cheery, so eager to please. She opened her clean pink mouth and said, ‘I’m looking to book a student deal for a double room in Rome, two people, two weeks.’