She said, ‘Neil, you got us so used to such great customer service, this agency really wouldn’t be the same without you, and your enthusiasm, and charm, and warmth –’ blah blah blah ‘– but you see, lately, Neil, I couldn’t help but notice how your head seems to be somewhere else, and you’ve been acting somewhat out of character, and I’m worried, really worried that something might be up with you. Is everything OK at home? What’s up, Neil? You know we’re here for you, anything you need just talk to us. I know you love this job.’

Her kindness poured over me like molasses and I was quickly smothered by it. I couldn’t open my mouth to say anything. I panicked. I didn’t want to lose this job. But how could I explain to Mrs Hewlett that she couldn’t fire me, because – and it was the only convincing reason I could summon, with an urgency that horrified me – ‘How would I be able to see my girl?’

‘I’m perfectly fine,’ I blurted. I had to say something, anything to switch the subject, to make her like me again, to make sure she would never consider getting rid of me. But what? ‘I’ve been thinking … of taking you up on the European ushering job,’ I said. ‘I guess I needed some time to turn the idea over in my head. I didn’t want to accept the job unless I knew I wasn’t going to let you down.’

Mrs Hewlett gave me one of her wide smiles, her cheeks contracting, filling the sides of her mouth with flesh.

‘Oh, but how delightful! Letting me down? Don’t be silly! I’ll get your name on the list.’ And just like that I was off the hook.

The European Ushering Partnership was a new scheme that the agency had devised to boost sales. The idea was simple: we contacted universities across Europe and checked for summer vacancies in their student halls and residences. We then rented out the rooms in blocks and sublet them to our own travelling students for a higher fee, which still worked out cheaper by the week than most hostels. Everyone was happy: the universities were able to make revenue on rooms that would otherwise be unoccupied. The students got safe, serviced lodgings in a central location for a very reasonable price. And of course, we crammed up to three or four students in a single occupancy room on bunk beds that were easily removed at the end of the summer period and made the best profit.