maybe i am not ready

to forget you

yet.

you can keep calling

all of us crazy

and overdramatic,

you can write off

my poetry as just me

being an obsessive bitch,

you can say your ex

who warned me to stay away

is just bitter and out to get you,

but maybe it’s you.

for once,

could you consider

that it’s not us?

that maybe

you don’t just

find yourself dating

girls who are

crazy

obsessive

bitches

bitter

vindictive

and maybe

you might

be turning us

into that?

i want to think that there’s

a reason i fell in love with you.

i want to think that sometimes

that reason still shows itself.

—i know you’re not all bad

it’s just that all i see

is the wreckage you leave

behind and i can’t help but think,

how could somebody do this by accident?

—i’m just having a hard time believing it

sometimes i think about you

and my heart breaks, again.

even now.

even still.

the hardest thing

i have had to learn

is how to stop placing

my worth into the hands

of people who do not know

how to love me.

—you must learn it too

i won’t love anybody

the way i loved you

and i am oddly

at peace with that

some nights, i dream about you.

in my dreams, we do not burn the way we did.

there is no scarring. no blood.

in my dreams, we are given a peaceful end.

in my dreams, we get an ending that i don’t need to write about.

in my dreams, you smile at me and i am not scared of what you will say.

in my dreams, you say you’re sorry.

in my dreams, i say, “what for?”

in my dreams, you have no reason to apologize.

some mornings, i wake up with tears in my eyes.

some mornings, i almost miss you.

in my dreams, you love me in a way that doesn’t break me.

in my dreams, you love me the way you promised you would.

most mornings, i wake up and ache.

most mornings, i hate you for trespassing.

in my dreams, you beg forgiveness.

in my dreams, i am able to grant it.

in my dreams, you blow away like sand.

i watch you fade like a memory.

in my dreams, i watch you go and nod my head in goodbye.

in my dreams, i am able to let you go.

every morning, i think about what could have been.

every morning, i am glad you are not here.

to you, my meteorite lover.

so you know i haven’t forgotten.

so you know i can still smile about you.

so you know that i still understand the point of us.

here, for you, my very own train wreck of a romance.

here are the good parts.

good part #1:

you were the first to make me feel once in a lifetime.

you were the original idea of a soul mate.