i am so sorry.

if only i had known

what was coming next

maybe i would not

have been

so quick

to run

—hindsight

i find solace

in knowing

that by letting you go

i let you fall right into

the arms of

your soulmate

—you were destined for her

i find solace

in knowing

that by letting you go

i eventually fell into

the arms

of mine

—and i was destined for him

the morning after

i woke up

smiled in the mirror

hugged myself

said

i am beautiful

and believed it.

i think

you would

be proud.

to primrose pink,

when i think about you, i always smile. you are nothing if not a fond memory. you are perhaps one of the most important loves i’ve ever had, because you never once hurt me. you were the one who showed me that love did not always have to be destructive. you were the one who showed me how a good relationship works, how a stable relationship works, how a real relationship works. it took me awhile to appreciate that, but i learned my lesson eventually.

i know i was not the easiest person to be with. i was insecure but somehow overconfident at the same time, always moving at warp speed and dragging you behind me. i wanted you to be somebody you couldn’t be. i wanted you to match me. and you couldn’t. it wasn’t in your nature.

where the others were rough and jagged, you were soft and smooth. and i loved that, but it made me worry. i am not so soft, like you. i have hard edges and prickly thorns. i was so afraid of cutting you by accident. i was so afraid of causing you to harden.

we were kind, and we were good. but near the end, i started to feel a little bit trapped. i think that is why i fell straight into the one after you. he was so different. i felt like i could breathe again.

it was you who pulled me back to my feet, and you who let me go into the world, full fury. then you stepped back into her, where you had always belonged.

i think the end felt a little bit like being set free, for both of us.

4

stormy gray

for the hurricane that tore

through her heart and soul;

she was a boat lost at sea

and he was determined to sink her.

have you ever felt a love

so fiery that you were

afraid it would burn you

alive?

—spoiler alert: it did.

if you are reading this,

go ahead and flip through

these next 50 pages.

read these poems.

this is our love’s burial ground,

after all.

it’s only fitting

you should be invited

to the funeral.

you weren’t bad at the start, but no love is.

but i feel like you—and they—should know that i still

remember how it felt when it was light, and happy, and kind.