you told me, “i’m just really glad i met you,”

and that made me feel important.

that made me feel like i could change a heart other than my own.

that made me feel as if this was worth something,

you were the first person to really make love feel like it was

worth something.

good part #2:

our love story was otherworldly.

we had all the odds stacked against us,

but we loved each other anyway.

they thought we would make it.

we thought we would make it.

i think about the power we held in our hands

before things turned black, and slimy, and bad.

together, we could have lit the world on fire.

good part #3:

sometimes, i can still write about you

as if there’s a chance for us (even though there’s not).

all things considered,

that’s pretty fucking good.

good part #4:

you loved me.

in some weird, sick way, you loved me.

and it will never make what you did to me okay,

and it even makes it a little more painful,

but i know you loved me.

there was a time when i didn’t think you did.

good part #5:

i know that sometimes you miss me,

and i want you to know that sometimes,

i miss you, too.

i can’t come back to you,

and i never would.

but sometimes,

i miss the parts of you that didn’t hurt

so damn much.

good part #6:

i can write down that i miss you

and not be so afraid of it.

it’s okay to miss some things,

even if you don’t want them back.

good part #7:

when we talked about our future,

it felt tangible.

it felt like it was a hair’s breadth away.

we would sing opera together,

we would love each other on stage

and off.

for the first time, i didn’t feel like i had to choose between what and who i loved.

you were the one who taught me i could have both.

good part #8:

that valentine’s day message you sent me?

i kept screenshots of it for months after everything exploded.

i had to remind myself that we had a point somehow.

good part #9:

i chose to cherish the good parts instead of forgetting that we had a point.

good part #10:

it was with you that i learned to break away from people who hurt me more than they do anything else.

it was with you that i grew the most (despite never asking to).

you showed me how love is a being. it has a heart that beats. it has skin that tears. it bleeds, more than any of us. i treat love a lot more tenderly now.

i realized that running from the storm isn’t cowardly; it’s smart. it’s survival. it’s necessary. you pushed my head under the waves and inadvertently taught me how to swim.

good part #11:

i can write this and say all these things

and still never want you back in my life.