WE GOT ERIC hame. It was an auld hoose where the door led straight oantae the main road. We propped him against it and rang the bell and moved away. A woman answered and pulled him in and slammed the door shut. Ah heard the sound of blows and Eric’s screams from behind the door, – Dinnae, Betty … ah’m sorry, Betty … dinnae hit ays again …

Then we went back tae Vaughan’s. The meal was a bit dried oot, and Fiona wisnae pleased at our state. Ah didnae want tae eat anything, but ah scranned with fake enthusiasm.

Ah felt heavy and embarrassed and ah left early, opting tae walk doon tae the port. As ah was coming doon Leith Walk, ah saw The Poisonous Cunt on the other side. Ah crossed over.

– Where ye gaun? ah asked.

– Just gaun back tae yours. Ah phoned Solo and he wanted ays tae pick up some stuff for him. You’re pished!

– A bit, aye.

– Did ye git the speedballs?

Ah looked at her for a bit. – Naw … ah didnae see the boy, eh. Ah ran intae some cunt, eh no. Ah had a sudden twinge of fear. – Whaire’s The Victim?

– Still at yours.

– Fuck!

– What is it?

– The Victim’s bulimic! She’ll clean oot aw that fuckin shoppin! Ye shouldnae huv left her oan her ain!

We hurried back to find that The Victim had eaten and vomited up the three raw cauliflowers ah had earmarked for Mrs McKenzie’s soup.

Ah had to hit the Asians for some rotting overpriced ingredients – but fair enough ah suppose as the cunts’ve pulled ays oot a hole wi bevvy and skins many times – and then it took me ages, half pished, tae make the soup. The Poisonous Cunt had some tabs ay acid which she gave me in lieu of cash the scabby hoor owed ays. – Go lightly wi this stuff, Lloyd, it’s the fucking business.

She played around on the decks with the phones for a while. Ah had to admit it, The Poisonous Cunt wisnae that bad, she seemed to have a good feel for it. Ah noted that she had a ring through her navel, exposed as it was by her short T-shirt. – Cool ring, ah shouted at her, and she gave me the thumbs-up and did a strange wee dance and flashed me a weird, ugly smile. If a Hollywood special-effects department had been able tae reproduce that rictus grin it would have made several careers.