32. Autumn

AUTUMN

I look at Lukas sitting in the driver’s seat, and he’s never looked more beautiful than he does now. There’s a cigarette hanging from his lips, held there by his two fingers.

As much as I’m not someone who likes addictions, there’s a raw masculinity about him. Lukas looks like a tortured rock star or a troubled man in a bar. He doesn’t look like the Navy SEAL Lukas Spencer, a man who’s never unsure of himself.

My breath hitches when he takes another drag and lets go of the white smoke.

He turns his mouth toward the window, but a faint smell of tobacco fills the car, and even when I try to suppress the cough rising in my throat, I can’t.

I start to cough like an old woman having a fit.

“Fuck!” Lukas is on me in seconds, and from the corner of my eye, I notice him throwing his cigarette out of the window.

“I’m…so sorry,” I say between coughs, feeling utterly mortified.

“What are you apologizing for?” He hands me a water bottle and rubs my back.

I gulp down some water. “That was so uncool. You were looking like a broody, hot movie star from some drama movie, and here I am coughing like an asthmatic person. And did I really have to say it out loud? I could have thought all that in my head. But no, I like putting my foot in my mouth.”

While I’m still blabbering, I hear a small sound of a snicker followed by a chuckle and then Lukas’ hearty laugh.

He laughs and then some more. His head hits the headrest and he throws an arm over his face, but I’m so thankful that I have a good view of his beautiful lips curled up.

“You’re too cute,” he finally says.

I know many girls want to be called sexy and hot, but I’ll take cute any day, especially if it’s going to bring that smile to Lukas’ face.

“If I knew my stupid chatter would make you smile, I’d have done it much sooner. I usually rein in the crazy side of me pretty well.”

He turns his head slightly toward me, and my heart squeezes. The streetlight shines on his beautiful face, and as much as I try, I can’t miss the palpable ache and hurt in his eyes. His jaw clenches, and I know he’s going back to the dark thought that flipped his mood early this evening.

I grab his hand and twine our fingers. “Should I say something crazy once more to make you happy?”