When I return back from the shower, I half expect Lukas not to be here, but he is. Waiting for me with his laptop on the table.

He smiles at me when I slide next to him on the couch.

“There’s an email from Maya. She wants to know if we can meet them next week. They’ll be back in town. I’ll have to go to St. Peppers and talk to Gavin and Connor.”

“You’re leaving?” I almost shriek.

“I was hoping you’d come with me. I want to introduce you to everyone, properly this time.”

My heartbeat accelerates. He didn’t backpedal!

My chest is warm and fuzzy, like someone just lit several colorful sparklers inside me. But before I can get dizzy in euphoria, Lukas drowns every fuzzy noise, every excitement with his next words.

“If ever in the future I’m not reachable and you need help, these guys will do anything for you. You can always depend on my friends.”

He’s giving me an alternative.

Lukas sitting next to me, holding a pale blue ceramic mug with red mushrooms all over it, doesn’t look like the man who was with me in this room before Mom barged in on us. He doesn’t even look like the man who was with me in the forest.

It seems the shower he took a few minutes ago did more than clean his body. It cleared his brain, reminding him of the reality with which we started, and he’s reprogrammed to the original state.

While for me, today feels like one of the most significant days of my life. My heart palpitates not knowing where we go from here. He said…those words. Love. And since then, I’ve been struggling with my feelings.

But apparently for him, one shower was enough to know what he wants, and that’s to remain as we started.

Is this what it’s like to be older and more mature?

28. Lukas

28

LUKAS

The next day on our ride to St. Peppers, Autumn sits quietly next to me on the passenger seat. And I’m the fucking reason for her missing smile.

Yesterday, I had planned nothing more than to take her on a ride and show her the beautiful waterfall I’d discovered by chance.

But what happened there was all…her. She has this ability to pull out emotions I don’t even know exist inside me.

With her, I’ve started to feel as if there’s a purpose to my otherwise meaningless life. As if there’s someplace I belong. A feeling I tried to chase all my life but that always remained out of reach.