“I’ve never seen so much water before,” I say, and then close my mouth. Of course I’ve seen this before, when I was little. There’s this part of my life I can’t seem to recall. Maybe being in Tampa will help me remember that these people I’m about to see aren’t strangers. They’re family. My family.

I wonder if remembering my past will stop me from being so uneasy about my future. But that’s the thing: the future is scary because there are so many uncertainties. What helps people cope is having people there with them that they can count on.

With every second I’m on this plane, the distance is growing between me and the people I could rely on.

I’ve never felt more alone.

I take a deep breath so I don’t break down in tears on the plane. Paula assumes my nerves are about the landing.

It’s everything after that has me terrified.

“It’s okay. It’ll be just like Chicago, maybe a few bumps.” She hesitantly rests her hand on top of mine. “We’re going to try to not overwhelm you, but it’s hard. There are so many people who are grateful you’ve been found. Nobody wants to wait another minute to see you again.”

“Who will be there tonight?” I try to hide the dread in my voice. These two new people already have my brain at capacity. I don’t know how much more I can take.

“Most of the family will be there.”

“Dad’s family, too?” I ask. I’d been so overwhelmed with Paula’s family I’d forgotten to even ask about Dad’s.

“No,” Paula states flatly.

“Are they—”

Paula cuts me off. “It’s going to be nice and casual.”

So no getting answers about Dad’s family from Paula. Guess that’s another item on the list to tuck away until later.

“We’re getting some Mexican food delivered.” Paula puts her hand to her heart. “I didn’t even think to ask if you liked Mexican food.”

“Who doesn’t like Mexican?” Craig asks. “Plus, in Florida you get authentic Mexican.”

My thoughts go to Taco Tuesdays and watching telenovelas. It made Tuesday one of my favorite days of the week. Am I really never going to eat tacos and watch TV with my dad again? That’s impossible. He’ll eventually be let out of jail, and then …

Then what?

Can I go back? Can you ever go back once everything has been upended?

Craig, oblivious, continues, “You get a nice, long weekend to relax. We can do whatever you want. Sundays we usually go to church.”

I raise my eyebrow. “What religion are you?”

Paula seems shocked. “Catholic. And so are you.”