The instant the fake story comes out of my mouth, I make a mental note to write it down. I have to keep everything straight. God, this must’ve been what it was like for Dad. He had to do the same thing.

“Cool,” Jordis replies. Her face lights up as she waves to someone across the crowded cafeteria. “See ya later,” she says before walking over to a table without another glance over her shoulder.

I’m left holding my lunch bag without anywhere to go. No matter who I talk to, I’m going to have to answer the same questions. I’m going to have to lie. So I keep my head down as I walk outside to the courtyard and find an empty spot underneath a tree in the far corner. I don’t want anybody to wave me over or sit next to me. I don’t want to have to keep making things up.

All I want is to be me.

I take a picture of my crossed legs with my lunch bag in the middle and send it to Marian. Lunchtime.

How’s school? she texts back right away, even though I know she’s in Mr. Sulikowski’s History class right now and would get in so much trouble if he knew what she was doing.

Meh.

Made any friends?

Not yet, I reply, even though I now think it’s going to be really hard for that to happen.

How many stars is today?

Six. I’ve survived six days.

How many until I see you?

Too many, I reply, then quickly text her, 8.

I’m aware that I’m spending too much energy wishing the time would go faster instead of living it.

But what’s a life worth when you don’t want to be part of it.

Chapter Thirty-Eight

Chapter

THIRTY-EIGHT

I somehow make it through the week.

Day nine in Tampa.

I see Marian in five days.

Despite Paula’s offer to give me a makeup tutorial, I don’t put in a lot of effort in the morning to do my hair and makeup before school. But I find myself putting on a coat of mascara and some lip gloss after dinner. I examine myself under the bright fluorescent lights in the bathroom and figure it’s as good as it’ll get.

It’s Friday night, after all. And I have a date.

I tap on my phone. Before I have a chance to get a good angle, he picks up.

“Hey!” Neil greets me.

“Hey.”

“Do you have everything we talked about?”

“Of course!” I show him my popcorn and soda. I’ve got my TV muted since the movie doesn’t start for a half hour.

“Here’s to winter break!” He gives me a cheers with his can of Coke.

“Cheers!” I take a sip of Diet Dr Pepper, since it’s the only soda in the refrigerator downstairs.