“I understand that, but I had no idea about everything you did to find me. Sarah told me about the marches. I went online and saw the news conference from when I first went missing.” There was an old video from a press conference that was held a week after I’d disappeared. Paula was in front of a microphone, sobbing uncontrollably, begging for me to be returned. It broke my heart to see her in so much pain.

And now I’ve been returned all these years later and we’re both uncomfortable around each other. We’re strangers. She wants that daughter back, but I don’t think either of us knows who that person is.

She leans back on her chair and closes her eyes. “It was an awful time. I couldn’t look at the news for years after. I once started crying in the grocery store when I picked up a carton of milk, even though there wasn’t an ad for a missing child. I couldn’t escape it, and I didn’t want to. Because I didn’t want to give up on finding you.”

I reach out now and put my hand on hers. “I’m not really sure how I can make up for the time I was away or what you went through. Or even how I can comprehend it.” While Paula was in the grocery aisle having a breakdown, I was at school under the impression I was leading a normal life.

“You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.” She brushes away her tears. “I think it would be best for everybody if we move on. I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s simply too painful. The fact is your father had you all these years, and now it’s my turn. You’re my daughter. So we are going to be a family.”

If only it were that simple. I can’t erase my past. As much as Paula wants me to, I can’t snap my fingers and forget about the plans I had for my life.

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter

THIRTY-TWO

It’s not getting easier.

Of course it isn’t.

I can’t sleep. Every time I feel myself drifting away, a random memory jolts me awake.

Dad and I watching TV.

Him putting another star on the calendar after I’ve finished all my homework.

Me laughing at his attempts to sing along to any song in a Disney movie.

Us cheering on the Packers.

Nothing big, just the life we had built together. Isn’t that what a life is? It’s made up of little moments that make you you. Relationships are built over time, not forced.

I turn in the bed and pull the covers over my head. I close my eyes, take deep breaths as I begin to count sheep. Something, anything that will get me to sleep away part of my time here.