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Back Past Perfect Life Save as PDF
Chapters (47)
  1. Half Title
  2. Dedication
  3. Title Page
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Acknowledgments

“I’m mad at him, too,” I admit. The joyful look on Paula’s face was the reason I didn’t want to confess my true feelings about what happened. I didn’t want her to use it against Dad. But she does deserve the truth. “I don’t know what to think or feel about my life since he lied to me for so long.”

“See? Selfish bastard,” Paula hisses.

“No, please. No.” Yes, he did something awful. Yes, I am horrified that my life has been one big sham. But …

And there it is again, the “but” of it all. Paula needs to understand why I have such a hard time being on Team Dad’s a Selfish Asshole. “Listen, I am angry at what he did. To me, to you, to your family. To us all. But I also love him. You need to know that he was a really great parent. He worked overtime so we always had enough money. He made sure I did my homework. He read to me as a kid. He listened to me. He was my best friend. He gave me a good life.” Now I’m the one with tears cascading down my cheeks. “I was never in any danger. I always felt safe around him. I was safe. And I’m sorry for what he did to both of us. What he did was wrong. SO wrong. But at the end of the day he is not this horrible villain you’ve built up in your mind. He’s not.”

Paula stands abruptly. “You may think you know your father, but he took you away from me. For fifteen years, I had to wake up with the thought that I had no idea where my daughter was or if she was even alive. He did that to me. He took you away from your family. He did it for himself. You may think you know your father, but I know him. He is no saint.” She angrily wipes the tears off her face. “End of discussion.”

She takes her coffee and starts walking toward Forever 21 while I remain frozen in my seat.

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter

THIRTY-ONE

It has become very clear that I’m swimming in a vast ocean of ignorance without a life preserver.

So let’s look at what I do know: I lived with my dad as my sole parent for fifteen years. I have a good work ethic, I’m the top student in my class, and I’ve never gotten in major trouble, or any trouble, really. I’ve had the occasional beer at a party, but always with Dad’s knowledge. He didn’t want me hiding anything from him. (Pretty ironic, I’m aware.)

So what would’ve happened if Dad never left and Paula was my primary caregiver?

What would that reality look like?