“The senior class alone has over six hundred people.”

“What?” Neil’s eyes bulge. “That’s insane.”

“It is.”

“Have you made any friends?”

“Not really.” Four days in, there are a few people who say hi to me in class. Jordis will give me the occasional wave in the hallway, but that’s it. Making small talk while I’m hiding this big secret makes me too anxious to build any kind of relationship.

A smile spreads on Neil’s face.

“Oh, so you’re happy I’m a lonely loser here?”

“No, no!” His cheeks redden. “I know I shouldn’t feel like this or anything, but I sometimes get worried that you’ll forget about us here with your new life.”

“I could never forget you guys.”

“But you have the beach and the sun there,” he counters.

“The water in the Gulf is too cold to swim in.” Craig did bring us by the beach the other day so I could dip my toes in. The bite of the cold water barely made it to my ankles before I ran back to the warmth of the sand. “So the score is still a gazillion to zero, advantage Wisconsin.”

“Phew, good.” Neil’s face falls for a second. “But I want you to be happy. Maybe you should try to make a friend. But not a guy friend. Unless he doesn’t have an ounce of charm and is hideous.”

“I already have enough friends, including hideous guys.”

“I’m going to tell Rob you said that about him!”

It feels so good to laugh. To talk to someone who I have inside jokes with. Someone I don’t have to censor myself with.

“No guys, then. You don’t have another FaceTime date this weekend?” Neil bites his lip, like I’m honestly going to tell him that, yeah, I’m beating the guys away with a stick.

“No, none. You should see the girls I go to school with. They’re tall, gorgeous, and somehow all seem to use the same shampoo that makes their hair glossy and perfect. I’m invisible to guys here. Nobody sees me.”

Neil moves closer to the camera so his face takes up the entire screen. “I see you.”

There’s a beat between us. He does see me. He’s always seen me.

I touch the screen, wishing there wasn’t this distance between us.

“I see you, too.”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chapter

THIRTY-NINE

Day twelve. Christmas. I knew today was going to be hard.

I never fathomed how impossible it would be. Last night after Christmas Eve mass, I smiled along and played the part as Craig and Paula welcomed their family over for drinks and snacks. I answered questions, but mostly I stayed in a corner, trying to be invisible.

It’s become my new go-to setting, at school and in this house: tuck myself away.