It was … I haven’t really discussed my conversation with Paula. I tucked it away, not wanting to deal with it. But this reality is cruising toward me and there’s nothing I can do to prevent myself from getting run over by it.

I take a deep breath. “It’s weird. I know she’s technically my mom, but you’re more of a mother figure to me,” I state. “Jess down at the grocery store is more of a mom to me.” Whenever I’m buying groceries, Jess always makes sure I’m getting some fruits and vegetables. She does it in such a sweet and kind way that I can’t argue with her. “It’s not that I don’t want to meet her, it’s just … How can she expect that I’d be willing to pack my bags and leave everything behind?”

“So you’re going to see her?”

“Yes,” I say without an ounce of excitement. Besides, I don’t have a choice. Not about this. Not about where I’m going to live.

It’s such bullshit.

Grandma Gleason starts to rub my back. “I can only imagine how excited she’ll be to see you. She’s been waiting all this time. Poor thing.”

I grimace. Every parent who’s spoken to me—Grandma Gleason, Sheriff Gleason, and Marian’s parents—have this compassion for Paula I don’t share. They imagine losing one of their children. I get it. I do, but …

I. Don’t. Know. Her. And I’m supposed to leave my entire life behind to live with her? AND I HAVE NO CHOICE? It’s hard enough dealing with the fact that Dad is gone and now everything I know, everybody I know has to go away, too?

No. That can’t be happening. (How many times have I thought that in the past few days?)

I won’t let it happen.

My mind starts trying to come up with a plan to make this all go away. I’ve always been able to come up with a list of tasks to achieve a certain goal. But this feels impossible.

“Will you go with me to meet Paula?” I ask. I can’t imagine facing her alone.

“Of course.” Grandma Gleason kisses my forehead. “Of course I will. And how are you feeling about your father?”

I lean back on the couch. Thinking about Dad is another topic I’ve been avoiding. God, is there anything in my life that I’m willing to face?