He sighs. “It’s okay, I’m just … I’m a little stressed about college. I’m a Gleason, even though I don’t have that name or—” He gestures at his bright red hair that he gets from his dad’s side of the family. “I want to go to a school where I can simply be Neil van Horne and not Kyle’s younger brother, or the comptroller’s son or the sheriff’s nephew. Where I’m allowed to screw up every once in a while. We’re always told to learn from our mistakes, but Gleasons aren’t allowed to make mistakes. Or if we do, it’s a town scandal.”

Of course my first thought is how that would make an amazing essay topic.

Although I don’t know what to say, since I can’t possibly understand what it’s like to be under that kind of pressure. I guess I never really thought about what it means to be a Gleason. I only looked at the good side: a big family support unit, fun parties, and huge holiday gatherings.

I’m not totally naive—I know how careful they have to be to avoid gossip. All the cousins use fake names for social media, so they can post pictures without the prying eyes of the town. At first, I was into it. We got to have aliases! I played along not only to protect them, but to get Dad off my back, too. He was always harping about being careful about posting personal things online. He loves to get on his little soapbox about privacy, catfishing, and online predators, in particular whenever there’s a case on one of our true crime shows.

To me, it was all a fun game. I got to be “Erin Rodgers” (because I’m a Green Bay Packers fan and a dork). I didn’t really think about how much Neil and his cousins have to guard themselves.

Neil continues, “But then I think about being alone. Not having family to rely on, and I wonder if I can even do it. Maybe I can’t stand on my own.”

“I get it. I think the same thing about me and my dad,” I admit. How will I get by without him? How will he do without me? I put my hand on Neil’s back and he tenses up so I pull it away. I think about what Dad tells me when I get freaked out about the future. “All of this is part of growing up.”

“Growing up sucks.”

“No kidding.”