“This isn’t for forever,” I echo. “But then I get in this vicious cycle of thinking of how I could’ve stopped it from happening if I didn’t apply to college.”

“No, you can’t do that to yourself. Your dad wouldn’t have been okay with that. He wants a good future for you. None of this is your fault.”

“I’m not completely innocent in all of this.”

“Nobody’s perfect, although you’re pretty damn close.” He gives my hand a squeeze.

There’s a pause. I can talk to Neil about my dad anytime; that’s always going to be hovering over me. Now that he and I are finally alone and don’t have hundreds of miles between us, I finally do what I hadn’t had the courage to do before.

“Do you want to know the truth?”

He smiles at me, and the butterflies in my stomach are flying a million miles an hour. “Always.”

“I wish I didn’t wait until I was leaving to do anything about us.”

His eyebrows rise. “So there’s an us?”

The old Ally would’ve been scared of her feelings. She liked her safe routines. She didn’t want to make things complicated or messy.

Now, with everything so uncertain, it’s nice to think about a future that isn’t scary. A future that could be wonderful. A future with Neil.

“Yes,” I say as I look him in the eyes so he knows I mean it. “Us.”

We both move slowly toward each other. My skin tingles as he palms my face; our lips part and finally meet. This isn’t our first kiss, but it’s a new first. It’s the first of us.

I sink into him as he continues to tenderly kiss me. My mind is only focused on one thing: Neil.

And my brain is alight with contentment.

Then Paula comes crashing in. “Are you going out for dinner?” her voice booms as she stomps up the stairs.

Neil and I part. I move to the other side of the couch and try to catch my breath. Neil, who’s never been great about hiding his true feelings, looks both elated and busted.

“I wasn’t sure—” Paula stops as she sees us: a teenage girl and boy alone in a room, both out of sorts. She knows exactly what’s going on. “Well, I just wanted to know if you want me to order something or take you somewhere. Just, ah, just let me know.” She goes to head back to the stairs, pauses before turning to us, opens her mouth to say something, but then changes her mind. “Um, I’ll be in the kitchen, and, yes, ah, let me know. About the food. Yes, dinner.”

Neil and I stay silent until we hear the door close, then we start laughing.