A Dead End

Lynn Brandt held the sheet in her hand and felt a wave of anger seep through her. It was anger at her husband, at whoever taught him to drink, at herself for ever falling for the side of him that the drinking had managed to suffocate over the years. It was anger at the fact that she was having—no, she was needing help from others. It was anger at this dead-end road she and the kids were traveling down.

It had taken everything in her earlier today to go to the Salvation Army to sign up for their Angel Tree program. She had hoped she could get a decent-paying job by now in order to manage to get by, but she was lucky simply to have this waitressing job that occasionally paid the bills. She’d never really thought of having to do something on her own, not when she was with Daryl. At first passion had ruled their relationship. It was passion that had produced Thomas, passion that had forced them to marry in the first place. But soon it was replaced by other strong emotions. Tension. Anger. Resentment.

Never once had Lynn thought she might need to plan for this life, trying to support two kids on her own. She was still at a crossroads. Should she divorce Daryl once and for all? Go to court and try to get child support and allow him to come back in their lives? She was afraid that she didn’t have the money and the soul to go down that road. All she had wanted was to get away for a while. A while had ended up being almost a year now.

Maybe you better get some kind of plan in order.

Lynn kept telling herself, In another month. January had rolled over into February. Winter had blossomed to spring. She had kept saying, I’ll give it another week to decide on Daryl. But her shame and her fears kept her from doing anything.

Shame and fears and, oh yeah, love.

She was ashamed to admit that she still loved a man who hit her.

He never hits really hard.

She was ashamed that she still made stupid excuses like that.

Lynn didn’t want to think about contacting Daryl, about officially ending his relationship with his children. He had to be furious with her. She didn’t know. Maybe he’d forgotten about her and the kids, maybe even found someone else. Part of her was afraid to find out the truth.

So with all this dragging after her like a string of clanking cans attached to her ankles making a racket every time she managed to move, Lynn had gotten nowhere trying to find a steady, good-paying job. And she’d finally given in today with the visit to the Salvation Army. The place that produced all those men and women ringing bells and asking for donations. The people who came up with the idea to put Christmas trees up in public places for kids who wouldn’t be receiving presents under their own tree at home.