She lifted her eyebrows, waiting. She wasn’t going to cave, and she wasn’t bluffing. If I didn’t open up to her right now, she was going to leave me. I was going to lose her. I don’t want to lose her. Gavin wasn’t worth losing her. I had to find the courage. I had to rip off the Band-aid.

I tried to swallow the knot in my throat, tried to scrub away the pain in my eyes. It wasn’t working. I felt like I was breaking apart. “Ugh. Goddamn it…” Why was everything so fucking hard? Closing my eyes, I inhaled a few deep breaths. This wasn’t optional anymore. It just…was. Resisting was getting me nowhere; it was just digging a deeper hole. I felt empty inside when I opened my eyes and looked at her. There was concern on her face. And fear.

“Okay, I’ll tell you.” I glanced around the street; the openness was suffocating. “But not here, all right…let’s go back inside…”

She released a tension-filled breath, and I grabbed her hand. She let me take it, let me lead her back to the house. Where I was about to crack myself wide open.

Chapter 31

TIME FOR PAIN

I indicated for Kiera to sit when we got back inside the house. She did as I asked, silently sitting down on the couch in the living room. I knew I couldn’t join her. I couldn’t calmly sit beside her while I did this. There was too much…energy inside me. Too much anxiety. I felt sweaty, and sick, and would have given anything to not be here. But I didn’t have a choice anymore. Losing Kiera wasn’t an option. Not if I could do something to stop it. Even if that something was extremely difficult.

I paced in front of her, occasionally wiping my clammy palms on my jeans as my heart raced inside my chest. I could see Kiera’s nerves increasing as she watched me, and I knew I was making this harder for her. She had to think I was lying, she had to think I was hiding an affair. I wished I could calm down, for her sake, but fuck…this was killing me.

My mouth felt glued shut, and I didn’t know how to start the conversation. So, I ran into my sister who gave all my information to my father who now stalks me daily. Sounded so easy to say…but it wasn’t.

Kiera seemed to sense that I was incapable of beginning this conversation. “Who was that on the phone?” she softly asked.

Her words stopped me cold. Feeling a headache coming, I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Ugh, I can’t…start there, Kiera.” I needed to ease into this. I needed…distance from the immediate answer.