I stared at Kiera, disheartened, drowning in guilt, regret, and remorse. Her eyes watered as she stared back at me. I could feel mine filling as I started spiraling. I’m so, so sorry. I swallowed the emotion choking me so I could answer her, and I knew the second I did, everything between us would change.

“Okay,” I whispered. And I’d never hated myself more.

Chapter 27

MISSING YOU

The rest of Kiera’s time with me was laced with sadness, but this time, I was certain the feeling wasn’t because we were about to be separated again. We were keeping things from each other. Secrets. Lies. It made me sick to my stomach, and I hated feeling that way around her. I also hated the fact that after she left, for a split-second, all I felt…was relief.

The entire way back from the airport, all I could think was—What am I doing? Fucking up. That was what I was doing. I just didn’t know how to stop. I didn’t know how to get the outcome I wanted…the very best solution. All I saw in front of me was varying degrees of…shit.

“Damn, man…that was awesome.”

I looked over at Griffin in the car. He still had that satisfied smile on his face. Seeing it was starting to piss me off. How did someone like him get to have the exact relationship he wanted? But I knew the answer to that. He didn’t want anything from Anna. Just sex. So of course things with her were easy…easy and meaningless. I’d had that and it wasn’t enough. I wanted more and sometimes more meant pain.

I gave him a tight smile. “Yeah…awesome.”

He frowned at me. “Pissed you didn’t get any?”

My smile shifted to a frown. “Not everything is about sex, Griffin.”

He snorted, then shook his head. “Right. You still convinced that monogamy thing is worth it?”

I turned my head to look out the window. “Yes,” I told him. She was worth it. Worth every pain, every agony, every misery. Because my life without her…that had been torture.

Griffin made a disbelieving sound. “You’re so weird,” he muttered.

I ignored him as the venue came into view. The driver pulled around back, dropping us off, and an undeniable surge of vengeance came over me. I had a score to settle. Griffin looked confused as he studied my face. “Dude, I was kidding about you being weird. Well, not really, you are weird, but you don’t have to get all pissed about it. I don’t give a fuck if your dick is tied to one chick.”

Not looking at him, I shook my head. “I’m not mad at you.”

“Who are you mad at?” he asked.