She didn’t say anything, but she kissed me back, and as our mouths moved together, I felt her body relaxing. She was letting it go. And as much as that relieved me, it hurt me too. I felt like I’d been whipped from head to toe. Maybe I was wrong…maybe this pain was greater than exposing my secret. Maybe I should tell her about Gavin. But how?

Chapter 26

DISTANCE

When I sensed Kiera was calmer, I broke apart from her. Quietly, I grabbed my shirt from the floor and put it back on. I indicated for her to lie down on my bed, and she crawled into my cubby. I climbed in after her, still silent as my mind spun. Her gaze took in all the things of value I kept around me—all things she and her family had given me. She fingered the toy car she’d given me for Christmas and a swell of loneliness filled me. That perfect moment was just a few months ago, but it felt like a lifetime.

There was something in the air between us now, something I hadn’t felt in a really long time. Distance. There was a gap in our connection, doubt in our love for each other…and I knew it was my fault. The guilt was excruciating. I’m ruining us. But fixing us…that would ruin me.

Hating all of my options, I kissed her shoulder and told her, “I love you…” Do you still love me? Or have I finally pushed you too far?

Her fingers tightened on the car as her gaze slowly met mine. My heart started beating harder as I waited for her to confirm her feelings…or confirm my fears. Finally, she said, “I love you too…”

The relief was instant, and not edged with pain this time. I hadn’t broken us yet. But how close was I to causing permanent damage? How much farther could I walk this line with her? Especially now when she knew I was withholding something from her. I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, then pulled out her guitar necklace and stroked the symbolic image of me. This would eat at her now, eat at us. I’m going to lose her if I don’t tell her. I have to tell her. Fuck.

My smile faded as words I didn’t want to say bubbled to the surface. “Kiera…I should tell you something…” Just saying that much made me feel ill. How do I get through this? Sadly, I already knew the answer. I couldn’t. I literally couldn’t say another word about it. Fuck. Did I just make things worse?

But before Kiera could realize my ineptitude, she said something unexpected. “I should tell you something too…”