Not wanting to worry about what that meant, I said, “I could distract you? Would you like me to make you feel good again?” Like my wife? God, I loved those words, loved that thought. Please let us make it that far.

Kiera giggled in my ear. “A part of me wants to say yes, the rest of me is really tired.”

“Oh…another time,” I murmured.

I could hear the warmth in her smile when she spoke. “Definitely. I love you.”

Now I was the one with warmth in my voice. “I love you too. Goodnight, Kiera.” And I hope I get to see you soon.

Chapter 29

SURPRISE

Things with Kiera were getting…odd. There was a strange disconnect that was happening between us, strained silences that lasted too long, uncomfortable gaps where neither person knew what to say. It had really started to kick in shortly after Jenny and Rachel returned home, and I had no idea why. I didn’t know what was going on with her, and even worse, I didn’t know how to talk to her about it. I felt like there was nothing I could say, because everything I asked would lead to a reciprocal question about what was going on with me. And I didn’t want to talk about that, about him.

Gavin. He was a thorn in my side that I could never fully remove. Ignoring his calls and messages was second nature now, but every time my phone went off, I flinched. And every time I saw that fucking unprogrammed number, a small slice of my soul shriveled. I was so tired, all the time. I just felt worn. And stuck. It felt like this was going to be my life from here on out; stuck in a vicious cycle I couldn’t escape from. Trapped in pain and misery and confusion…forever.

Every night as I fell asleep, I felt hope slipping from me as I spiraled into weary despondency, wondering how I could possibly keep going. But then, every morning, I somehow found it inside myself to get up, slap on a carefree smile, and keep moving, because what else could I do?

“How was your day?” I asked, trying to make my voice light and worry-free.

“Good,” Kiera responded, not elaborating. “Yours?”

“Good,” I answered, not knowing what else to say. The silence grew between us, and I could hear a soft sigh escape Kiera. It worried me. “I really enjoyed the other night,” I told her. We’d made love over the phone again, and for a moment, everything between us had felt warm and comfortable. But unfortunately, the feeling didn’t last. We were already slipping again. Why?

“I did too,” she murmured.