Cover

Painful

Painful

By S.C. STEPHENS

Books By S.C. Stephens

BOOKS BY S.C. STEPHENS

THOUGHTLESS SERIES

Thoughtless

Effortless (Book 2)

Reckless (Book 3)

Thoughtful (Thoughtless alternate POV)

Painful (Effortless alternate POV)

Untamed (Book 4)

RUSH SERIES

Furious Rush

Dangerous Rush (Book 2)

Undeniable Rush (Book 3)

CONVERSION SERIES

Conversion

Bloodlines (Book 2)

‘Til Death (Book 3)

The Next Generation (Book 4)

The Beast Within (Book 5)

Family is Forever (Book 6)

STANDALONE BOOKS

Collision Course

It’s All Relative

Under the Northern Lights

Something Like Perfect

Dedication

For everyone at Pete’s Bar. Thank you for keeping Kellan alive.

Chapter 1

EVERYTHING I’VE ALWAYS WANTED

The summer sun pounded on me as I waited in the backstage area with my bandmates, Evan, Matt, and Griffin. The merciless rays made sweat form in every nook and cranny on my body, but I didn’t care. It could have been twenty degrees hotter, and I wouldn’t have cared. I was about to perform at the largest venue the D-Bags had ever played at—Bumbershoot. And while that fact filled me with adrenaline, it wasn’t what was giving me an almost giddy sense of euphoria. My girlfriend was going to be in the crowd. Girlfriend. Just the word made me feel like I was floating. Kiera Allen was now mine, wholly and completely. She loved me, a fact that was still hard to grasp sometimes. I’d gotten so used to no one giving a shit. But Kiera did, and my band did, and that was more than enough for me. More than I ever thought I’d get out of this life.

“Fucking hell…I’m so nervous.”

I turned to see Matt clutching his guitar case, looking for all the world like he wished he could hide inside it. Matt was the brains behind the band. He handled our schedule, made sure we were all where we were supposed to be, basically kept us on track. While Matt pushed for our success, he had always been a little apprehensive about performing. Not because of the music—he loved that part—but because the stress of being in the spotlight was something he struggled with every time he went on stage. It made me appreciate him doing this for us even more. But for him, the D-Bags playing at Bumbershoot never would have happened; we’d probably still be playing out of a garage or something.

“You’ll be fine,” I said, clapping the thin blond on the back. “It’s just like Pete’s.” Matt smiled, but there wasn’t any humor in his pale eyes.

Matt’s almost identical lookalike, his cousin, Griffin, slung an arm over Matt’s shoulders. “Yeah, do what I do, cuz…picture ‘em all naked. And screwing. Hot and heavy, all getting it on with each other…Yeah…”

Griffin closed his light blue eyes as he imagined the orgy, then he started gyrating his hips, like he was joining in on the fun. Griffin was the…comic relief of the band. Or the annoyance that we put up with. Depended on the day.

Matt cringed away from Griffin’s antics and knocked his arm off him. “Dude, go have pretend sex with the audience somewhere else, please.” Thinking of something, he fisted Griffin’s shirt before he started walking away. “Griffin, I swear, if you include my girlfriend in that fantasy, it will be the last fantasy you ever have.” Matt had never been one to date before, since the band kept him so busy, but he’d started seeing Rachel a few months ago, and they were still going strong. Kiera constantly told me they were adorable together. I supposed they were. All I really cared was that my friend finally seemed happy with someone.

A slow smile crept over Griffin’s face. “Too late, man.” He tapped his skull. “Rachel has already satisfied me several times. For being so shy, she’s damn feisty. You’re a lucky guy.”

Matt’s face went bright red, and he immediately lunged for Griffin. Luckily, Evan and I had been prepared for that reaction—keeping Matt and Griffin from killing each other was kind of our job in the band. We both grabbed one of Matt’s arms right before he could assault his cousin.

Griffin laughed as we held Matt tight. “Dude, lighten up…I was joking. I’m fucking Anna on a near-daily basis. I don’t need to fantasize about your little gal pal.”

I could tell Matt was still annoyed, but he rolled his eyes and relaxed in our arms. “Not funny, Griffin. At all.”

Not agreeing with his assessment, Griffin laughed even harder. “You should have seen your face, man. Oh God, classic.”

Releasing Matt, I smacked Griffin across the chest. “Don’t be an ass right before a show,” I told him. If he’d said that about Kiera, I probably would have attacked him too. And I’d have nailed the fucker.

Griffin rubbed his chest, an offended look on his face. “Dude, I was helping him get over his anxiety. You still nervous, cuz?”

Matt frowned as he shook his head. “No, now I want to go out there just to get away from you.”

Griffin’s face shifted into a satisfied smile. “See…helping.”

Closing my eyes, I inhaled a calming breath. “Griff, do me favor…” I cracked an eye open. “Never try to help me.”

Griffin winked and gave me finger guns, and I knew, without a doubt, he’d be “helping” me in the future, in his own special, Griffin-like way. I barely contained my sigh.

One of the crew let us know it was time, and Matt and Griffin disappeared onto the stage. Screams from the boisterous crowd pierced the air, and pulsing energy radiated through my body, gathering strength like a coiled spring waiting to be released.

Evan clapped me on the back. “See you up there, Kell.” He had a warm, easy smile on his face, and his dark eyes were eager but untroubled. Evan was probably the most laidback person I knew. Nothing much seemed to rile him, a fact I appreciated since I wasn’t always the nicest guy. Especially when I was mad. Or in pain. Hopefully, those days were behind me.

Evan turned to follow Matt and Griffin onto the stage, and my eyes drifted to the colorful mosaic covering Evan’s arms. All of my bandmates were littered with tattoos. I only had one, and it was all I would ever need in this lifetime—Kiera’s name, right over my heart. Closing my eyes, I put my hand over the tattoo, bathing myself in her warmth, even though she wasn’t physically near me. Let’s do this.

When I reopened my eyes, I couldn’t hold back my grin. It was showtime, and aside from being with Kiera, being onstage was my favorite place to be. I felt different the moment I stepped onto a stage—calm, in control, more at peace, less…moody, as Kiera would put it. Even when my life had been falling apart, performing had given me comfort. They probably didn’t realize it, but I owed my fans everything.

When I stepped onto the stage, the screams went from ear-piercing to brain-liquifying. I smiled at the fans’ never-ending devotion, then raised my hand in a wave. Damn. There were so many people here…Matt must be freaking out. I secreted a glance his way, but he seemed fine…if fine meant ignoring the crowd and remaining steadfastly focused on his instrument. He’d be truly fine once he started playing. Griffin was being his typical self, flirting with the crowd in such an obscene way that we might not be invited back next year. Evan was settling down at the drum set, getting comfortable for the upcoming workout. While performing was relaxing for me, it was the complete opposite for him. He was often drenched when we were done.

Getting to my appointed spot at the front of the stage, I looked around for my girl—she was out there in the clamoring crowd…somewhere…and even though I hadn’t spotted her yet, I could feel her eyes on me. Knowing she was drinking me in electrified me more than the buzzing energy emanating from the crowd.

Shifting my eyes, I spotted Kiera instantly. She was standing with Jenny, a few rows back. Tuning out everyone and everything else, I focused on my girl. God, she was beautiful. Even in this heat, she’d left her long, brown hair down around her shoulders, and her hazel eyes sparkled with joy as she smiled at me. Her cheeks flushed red as our eyes locked, and I reveled in the fact that I could still do that to her. I hoped she never stopped blushing around me.

I love you, I mouthed to her. Some of the girls behind Kiera went crazy, like they thought I was speaking to them. Ignoring the women, even though she had to have heard them, Kiera mouthed that she loved me too. I never thought that simple phrase would mean so much to me, but now that I had someone who genuinely cared for me, it meant the absolute world.

Kiera gave me two thumbs up after her statement, like she was wishing me luck, and a laugh escaped me. She was so freaking adorable—that had been a major part of my undoing in the beginning. I just hadn’t been able to resist her innocence. Maybe that was because I’d left mine behind so very long ago.

Slipping my guitar over my shoulder, I wrapped my hand around the microphone and leaned in to address the crowd. I swear the screams grew ten times louder when they realized I was about to speak. If they didn’t quiet down, they’d never hear me. “Hello, Seattle!” I said, a little louder than necessary. “We’re the D-Bags…in case you didn’t know.” The shriek that followed told me they knew exactly who we were. Good. I loved playing for diehard fans. “And we’ve got something for you…if you want it.”

Focusing on some women in the front row, I gave them a seductive I’m yours if you want me expression. Aside from singing, this was my job in the band—engaging the audience, making them feel as included in the performance as possible. At a D-Bags show, everyone was my best friend, my potential lover…an integral member of the band. No one here would leave feeling they were just observers, watching a group of guys on a stage. Not if I could help it anyway.

I knew the flirting bothered Kiera, but I also hoped she understood that it was all an act now that we were together. While before my seductive stares had been an open invitation to anyone who wanted to approach me, now they were just a ploy, a ruse to make the women in the crowd feel something. And as much as Kiera probably hated to admit it…it worked. I had the rapt attention of every female in the crowd.

I held up a finger to quiet the group before me, and like I had them all entranced, they obeyed. “Do you want it?” I asked, oozing as much sex appeal into the question as I could. They answered in a chorus of high-pitched screams. Smiling, I brought a hand to my ear. “Well, if you want it, I’m gonna have to hear you ask for it.”

As the corresponding screams surely tore a hole through the fabric of the universe, I shot a smile at Kiera. She beamed at me, hooting and hollering along with everyone else. I loved seeing her like that—carefree, overjoyed…in love. It made this moment even better. And it was already pretty fucking awesome.

Flicking my wrist at Evan, I gave him the signal to start the song. He began it instantly. Since this was a once in a lifetime show for us, we packed the lineup with every hit we had—all the songs that got the crowd at Pete’s on their feet. There were quite a few to choose from, and Matt and I had had some minor disagreements about the list, but in the end, we’d come up with an amazing concert.

Adrenaline surged through me as I strummed my guitar and sang my heart out. The fans were going nuts—screaming, jumping up and down, singing along. It made me soar with joy. God, I loved this. As we moved into the next song, I set my guitar back on its stand. I wouldn’t need it for a while, which meant I’d be able to engage the crowd more. I started getting more and more into it as the set progressed, picking fans at random and singing directly to them. Thankfully, no one passed out at the personal attention—it had happened before, and it always freaked me out whenever it did. I’d feel horrible if someone got hurt because of me; enough people had been hurt because of me.

When we were finally playing our last song, I could barely believe it was over. It had gone by so fast. I put everything I had into that last song—poured every fiber of my being into the words. Performing was one of the few times I felt completely truthful, and some of my songs were more personal than fans realized. Real events, real pain, and in some cases, real abuse. It was kind of a miracle that I could sing about topics that I had trouble talking about, even to my closest friends. Maybe that was because I could brush off songs as just being reflections on humanity—I’m just singing about life, not necessarily about my life. There was a fair amount of anonymity in the artform.

I bowed to the fans after the final piece was over. “Thank you for listening, Seattle! It’s been a pleasure…” As I backed away from the microphone, the crowd screamed, applauded, and in a few cases, cried. Seeing the tears made me happy. In my line of work, waterworks were typically a good thing.

The crowd began breaking apart, some staying to listen to the next act, some going on to find another band at the music festival, some moving closer to the stage to get our attention. The guys began unplugging their stuff, and I grabbed my guitar. Giving Kiera a quick see you soon smile, I slipped off the stage. I was on cloud nine—high on life—and I couldn’t wait to share the moment with Kiera. No matter how great I was feeling, being around her amplified the emotion tenfold.

Quickly giving my guitar to the crew member who would make sure it was safe and sound in the staging area until I was ready to pick it up, I headed to the “backstage” area, where Kiera and the other girls were most likely waiting for us. When I spotted my girl, I couldn’t help but rush to her as quickly as possible. Leaping over the short fence separating us, I scooped her into my arms and lifted her into the air. She giggled as she laced her fingers around my neck, and I was nearly overcome with her intoxicating presence. I never wanted to let her go, but I had to know what she’d thought of the show.

Setting her down, I said, “That was so much fun! I’m so glad you were here. Did you like it?”

Pushing her back by her shoulders, I squatted down so I could look her in the eye. Her eyes were more green than brown in the sunlight, and they were beaming with pride…for me. She laughed at my question, like she thought I was adorable—or absurd—for asking it. Her warm hands cupped my cheeks, focusing her gaze, her love, her joy. “I loved it. You guys were amazing! I’m so proud of you, Kellan.”

Her words made me feel like my chest was cracking open—it hurt, but in a good way. I’m so proud of you. God, had anyone ever said those words to me before? Before I could dwell on that too much, something about Kiera caught my attention. Pushing her slightly farther away from me, I raked my eyes down her shirt. She was wearing one of the original T-shirts Griffin had made for us, a solid black shirt bearing the full name of the band—Douchebags. She must have gotten hot out there in the crowd, she had the sleeves rolled up her arms, but the kicker, the part that had stolen my thoughts and knocked my focus completely on its ass, was the bottom of the shirt. It was tied into a knot high up her waist, exposing her stomach. And now all I could think about was undoing the knot, stripping the shirt off her, and running my tongue up her salty skin…

Peering up at the tease, I seductively told her, “I like your shirt.”

She flushed all over in that adorable way that I just couldn’t get enough of. I felt my blood surging in response. I couldn’t wait to get her home. Or go home with her. Wherever. It didn’t matter as long as we were alone. And we could be alone all night, since the D-Bags weren’t performing later, and Kiera had the night off from Pete’s. For the next several hours, she was mine and mine alone. As soon as we got out of here, of course.

Almost as soon as I thought that, I was bombarded by fans. Hands grabbed my arms, physically begging for my time. Since I owed the fans ten times over for all they’d given me, I tore my attention from Kiera and turned to face them. “Ladies…how’s it going?”

A busty brunette started fanning her face. “Oh my God, Kellan Kyle…I love you so much.” Her face flushed brighter than Kiera’s after she said that. “Can I have your autograph?” she squeaked.

“Sure thing,” I said with a smile. As I grabbed her pen and signed a Bumbershoot flyer, I asked the group, “Did everyone enjoy the show?”

There was a lot of tittering, followed by gushing praise that almost embarrassed me. Laughing at their passionate display, I signed more flyers and posed for photos. Then a girl in a tank top pulled down her shirt, exposing her ample cleavage. “Sign me here? Please, please, please!”

All her friends giggled as they stared at me with eager faces. I flashed a glance at Kiera, who was standing back, respectfully giving me space. What would she think if I did this? She probably wouldn’t like it, but really, it was just skin, the important part of the girl’s breasts was still completely covered. Kiera would be okay in the end, and it would make the fan’s day if I granted her request.

It seemed innocent enough to me since there wasn’t any real nakedness, so I grabbed the fan’s Sharpie and got to work signing her chest. The girl turned aggressive with me being that close and grabbed my ass while I was signing. I almost pushed her away, but…it was all in good fun. As long as she didn’t try to cup my junk, it was fine.

Playing along, I tapped her on the nose with the end of the pen when I handed it back to her. “Be good,” I playfully warned.

“Oh sugar, I’m always good,” was her sultry response. Then she erupted into squeals and giggles and twisted around to show the signature to her friends. Shaking my head, I turned to the next person seeking my attention.

Just as I was finishing up with the group, I heard someone exclaim, “Kiera, my future lover! I’m thrilled you came to check me out. Did you like what you saw?”

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw Griffin cupping himself, making a beeline for my girlfriend. When he got to her, he grabbed her hand. Oh…I don’t think so. While the look on Kiera’s face was priceless—fear mixed with revulsion—I wasn’t about to let Griffin finish whatever torment he had planned for her. Excusing myself from the fans, I hurried over and snatched Kiera’s hand away from my bassist. Stepping between them, I shoved Griffin’s shoulder. “Fuck off, Griffin.”

Quickly getting over it, Griffin shrugged and found someone else to pester. Good. Kiera leaned into my side, and I could almost feel the gratitude radiating from her. Griffin was probably Kiera’s least favorite person in all the world. “Thanks,” she murmured.

Absorbing her comfort, I kissed her head. “No problem. I know how much you love conversing with Griffin.”

Waving goodbye to the remaining fans, I led Kiera away from the stage and back to the main part of the park. The guys, with their respective gals, except Anna who was busy today, fell into step behind me. Once we were away from the fans and the stage, no one paid too much attention to us, and we were able to disappear into the masses. That was fine with me. I’d given my fans my all, and now I wanted to relax with Kiera.

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