Hailey sighed. “Hey, we’re about to head out, but before I go…is there anything you want me to say to…anyone?”

Her thinly veiled question made the hurt dig itself deep into my stomach. Closing my eyes, I willed the agony away. “No…there’s nothing I want to say.” And there never will be. Just drop it. Please.

She sighed again. “Okay…Merry Christmas, Kellan.”

“Yeah…” I hung up the phone and shoved it back into my jacket pocket, annoyed and aching with fresh pain. Would talking to her ever get easier? No. That was just a misery I was going to have to get used to if I wanted her in my life. And I did.

I trudged along down the street, lost in dark thoughts, when I suddenly realized, I’d made a mistake with my hasty answer. I’d only been thinking about Gavin, and he was a definite no, but…there actually was someone else I wouldn’t mind talking to.

Pulling out my phone again, I texted Hailey, ‘Will you tell Riley Merry Christmas for me?’ I smiled as I thought about the fact that I had a little brother. Would I ever get to meet him? No, probably not. Not until he was an adult, like Hailey, and that felt like an eternity from now. And he was so young, so tied to Gavin, I’d barely get to talk to him until then either. That broke something inside of me.

Hailey’s response was instant. ‘Of course.’ She followed that with a bunch of little smiley faces.

Amused, I shook my head, then I frowned. ‘When you’re alone with him. I mean it.’

I could practically hear the sigh in her response. ‘Okay.’

Inhaling a deep breath, I nodded as I put my phone away. Maybe I could somehow walk this fine line with her and keep every corner of my life in its proper place, compartmentalized into the little boxes that I was comfortable with—meaning none of them touched each other. It would just take a lot of strength on my part to juggle them all. And…potentially…a lot of lying.

That broke something inside me too.

Chapter 21

THE BEST DAY

Thankfully, I’d correctly guessed which direction the store was, and Kiera had been right about them being open. I grabbed milk for Kiera’s mom, then picked up Kiera’s precious eggnog. Then I hurried back, so I could see her again.