I inhaled a deep breath and slowly let it go as I laid back down. Right now, she was mine and she was with me. That was a truth I could hold onto. “Good. I love you, Kiera. It seems like forever since I’ve held you, since I’ve made love to you.” When was the last time? Over the Christmas break…at her parents’ house. Just a few months ago, but it felt like years.

Kiera seemed to agree. “It has been forever, Kellan.” I adjusted how I was lying, and Kiera asked, “Where are you?”

Smiling, I stretched out all my limbs; it felt so good to do that. Another small reprieve. “On the bus, in the back bedroom. All the guys are gone, so I snagged Griffin’s bed.” With a laugh, I told her, “I just couldn’t spend another moment in that tiny bunk.”

“So…you’re alone? Completely alone?” She asked that so quietly, I almost didn’t hear her.

“Yeah…why?” I asked, uncertainty filling my stomach. What did she need to tell me that I needed to be alone for? And why? Was it going to hurt? Did I want to know this…?

Her voice was odd when she spoke, almost strained. “I want to…Will you…?”

She couldn’t continue. It didn’t seem like she wanted to tell me something…it sounded like she wanted me to talk to her about something. Shit. Was she going to press me again? Would I have the strength to ask her to let it go again? “What, Kiera?” I softly asked, unsure if I should.

She let out a frustrated sigh. “I feel like we’re drifting, Kellan, and I just want to feel closer to you. I—”

Her words cut straight through me, and I interrupted her. “I’m sorry, Kiera. I feel like that’s my fault.” No, it is my fault. I’m hurting her. I’m shoving her away. I need to stop. I need to fix this. “I just…I…I should…” Fuck. Say it, you coward. Tell her your secret before it rips you apart. “We should talk about…”

Come on…tell her. It’s easy, just say: My biological father found me…he won’t leave me alone…he’s killing me…every day he’s killing me.

I wanted to say it, but the words were stuck in my throat, a hard knot that I could barely speak past. “God, this is hard…” Why was this so fucking hard? Why wouldn’t the fucking words come out? How do I get through this? How do I rewind this?

Kiera’s voice sounded just as pained as mine when she suddenly spoke. “No, don’t, Kellan. I don’t want to talk right now. I just want you to make me feel good…”