Her eyes were molten jade, shimmering with pain. It was almost too much to bear. “This isn’t goodbye, okay. There are no goodbyes…not between us.” Lowering my head, I rested my forehead against hers. “This tour is just me being gone for another show…a really long one. But when it’s over, I’m coming home to you, to slip into your warm, inviting bed, like I always do…”

My throat started closing up, the ache of leaving her stealing my voice. Kiera nodded, and I swallowed through the pain, so I could tell her one last thing. One last assurance. One final plea for her to wait for me. “I’ll still be with you every night, Kiera. Every night, no matter where I am, I’m crawling into bed with you. Our bed will be a lot bigger, miles wide, but it will still just be you and me inside it…okay?”

She nodded against me again, still silent, still shaking. “This doesn’t have to change anything…if we don’t let it. So, let’s not let it, all right?” Please…don’t stop loving me. Don’t forget about me. Don’t let me go. Don’t let us go.

I could feel the tears down her cheeks now. My own were burning against my eyelids. “All right…” she choked out.

I pulled back to search her face. She looked…desolate. No. I didn’t want to hurt her like this. “Are you okay?”

And right before my eyes, she fell apart. Choking back a sob, tears flowing freely, she shook her head, and started spouting frantic, panicked words. “No, no, I’m not okay. I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want this. I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay here with me. I want you to give it all up and stay here with me…please.”

And then she started to sob in earnest. It tore me open, seeing her pain. I never wanted to hurt her like this. I almost told her, “Okay.” I even inhaled a breath, prepared to do it, but as I did, I knew I couldn’t. This wasn’t just about us. Plus…everyone else had said goodbye without it feeling so…monumental. I wanted that for us. I wanted the comfort and safety that came from trust, and I knew Kiera and I would never get there if we didn’t relax our hold on each other. We needed to let go, so we could be stronger, better. Even though it scared the living fuck out of me, I had to leave.