But watching her lose it…oddly enough, it was doing something else to me, besides cause me pain. In a weird way, it was also healing me. I’d been waiting for her to fall apart like she had for Denny. A dark, twisted part of me had been wanting it. But she’d always seemed so calm, so upbeat, so supportive. It was surprisingly nice to see the grief. To see the love that she had for me. She didn’t want me to leave either. She was going to miss me.

I let out a long, relieved exhale, and I felt stress I hadn’t even known I’d been carrying slide off of me. Smiling at her, I started brushing the tears away. “Good, I’m glad to hear you say that. I really thought this wasn’t affecting you.” I gave her two soft kisses before pulling back to gaze at her. Her sobs slowed as she locked onto my eyes. “I love you too, Kiera…so much. I’m gonna miss you…every second.”

She nodded, swallowed, and then closed her eyes. She inhaled a deep breath, and I could see her trying to relax, trying to control the pain, trying to transform the misery into something positive. Watching her do it was inspiring, and I felt my own mood shifting as I studied her.

Then her eyes snapped open. “You’ll be gone,” she whispered, looking both surprised and saddened. Yes…I know. Her face looked like she meant something specific though. When she could see I didn’t understand, she added, “This will be our first Christmas…together…and you’ll be gone.”

She looked like she was going to start breaking down again, but I saw an opportunity. With a reassuring smile, I told her, “I won’t be working over the holidays. I do get some time off.”

A sigh left her lips. “But who knows where you’ll be. You couldn’t possibly fly across the country just to spend a couple of days with me.”

Really? I’d fly from one end of the earth to the other just to spend an hour with you. Less than an hour. “Why not? People do it all the time.”

She shrugged, looking guilty for even asking for me to be inconvenienced for her. Didn’t she realize it wasn’t an inconvenience at all? I’d be ecstatic to meet up with her. Best day of my life. “Where will you be for Christmas?” I asked her.

Shaking her head, she shrugged again and said, “With my family in Ohio, I guess. I’ll probably spend my winter break there.”