I wouldn’t, I told myself. My love for Vera, it was strong enough to prevent me from ever showing my cards. Vera, whose honesty was refreshing, whose demeanor was mothering without being controlling, encouraging without ever feeling fake. Vera, who – even more than John – had become my true protector, the one I could count on above all else. Vera’s goodness like a magnet, an ionic tug. He was my crush, but she was my love, warmth deep in my insides, comforting as chicken soup, sweet and rich as dark chocolate. She was the mother I didn’t have anymore, the friend I could be honest with – my missing pieces, all the women I needed but no longer had, rolled into one. Between the two of them, I felt like I had a family again. On our own, we were off-kilter – messed up by a combination of our histories and our proclivities – but together, we were different. Whole. They had promised to keep me safe, and so far they had kept their promise.

Now, if only I could figure out a way to spend time with them without burning through so much money. I took a last sip of wine, draining my glass.

Vera noticed immediately. She grabbed the bottle of pinot and topped me off.

‘By the way,’ I said, broaching the subject as delicately as I could, ‘pretty soon I’m going to have to cut back on the take-out and fancy wine.’

John leaned back in his chair, the wood creaking. ‘Fun fact: We should probably cut back, too.’

Vera’s head tilted to the side. ‘You don’t like my delicious wine?’

I shrugged, forcing a laugh. Though Vera and John always said they needed money, it didn’t stop them from spending it. ‘Of course I do,’ I said, scratching at the table. ‘But you know, just the usual, trying to make ends meet.’

Vera bit her lip. ‘Don’t you have savings?’

I hesitated mid-scratch, stretching my fingers out. Her bluntness still managed to surprise me sometimes. John’s face scrunched up, but it didn’t stop her. ‘Like a safety net, you know?’

‘Not really,’ I said quietly. ‘And I don’t have my parents to fall back on for help. We don’t have to talk about it.’

John caught my eye. ‘Sorry,’ he said. ‘We spend so much time together, we’ve forgotten what’s appropriate.’

‘Exactly,’ Vera said, ignoring his point. ‘We’ve been spending almost every day together. I’d think that by now we could be direct with each other.’

‘It’s not a big deal,’ I said. ‘I just can’t go on like this for many more months.’

‘You’re our guest,’ John cut in. ‘Let’s just call tonight our treat.’

I shook my head. ‘You don’t have to do that.’

‘We want to,’ he said. ‘Really.’