I push myself like a beached whale onto the board and lie down prone.

‘I’m going to stay here like this.’

‘You can paddle with your hands.’

‘Now this, this is much better.’

‘Bit slow though and doesn’t work your core.’

‘My core’s happy to be neglected. I don’t need toned abs.’

My mind wanders to the summer at Hartland’s to Joel and his squeaky ab cradle. I can’t help wondering if he ever got that six-pack. Stop it, Edie.

‘You were doing really well before, it would be a shame not to try again.’

‘You’re just being polite.’

‘No, I’m not. Just keep looking up and your balance will get there. Are you ready to give it another go?’

‘Yes,’ I say, trying to mean it. I never realised how much my default reaction to any question is no. When did I get so negative?

It takes me a couple of goes to stand up, but when I do, I stay perfectly still.

‘Now paddle,’ says Joel in a gentle voice, trying not to spook me. ‘Other way round.’

I turn the paddle and inch it slowly into the water and start to move it.

‘I’m doing it,’ I whisper, not wanting to jinx anything.

‘You really are. Let’s see how far you get.’

We’re still going slow but with every passing second that I remain on the board I become more confident. I don’t talk to Joel, I’m too busy concentrating on what I’m doing. Verity and Miles are far in front of us and they keep getting smaller and smaller.

‘Did you want to go and catch up with them?’ I ask.

‘No, it’s fine, I’m happy staying here.’

‘Even if it’s with me?’

The frost that’s hung in the air between the two of us seems to have thawed, but it’s left a lot unspoken.

‘Edie,’ he says, and I think he’s going to say something more. He’s looking into my eyes but it’s not about getting me to balance; if anything it’s having the opposite effect as my knees are going to buckle.

‘I might need to have a little break,’ I say, not sure how much longer I can keep upright without falling.

‘There’s a little beach over there, we can turn and head towards it.’

‘You can just leave me there and pick me up on the way back.’

‘It’s fine, really. Put your paddle in like this and you’ll turn.’

He demonstrates and I do my best to follow him. I end up back in the water but it’s shallow and I walk the rest of the way. It doesn’t feel as cold this time.