I want to tell him that I was in love with him and that seeing him again has slowly made me realise maybe I never stopped.

‘It doesn’t matter what I would have said.’ My voice is quiet and unconvincing.

‘Doesn’t it?’ he asks.

I open my eyes and the look on his face is enough to break my heart. I know that my dad says that you can’t change the past and you’ve got to move on, but what if I don’t want to move on? What if—

The door swings open and Soph marches in, Alfie in her arms, followed by Verity.

‘Oh, hello, we wondered where you’d got to.’ She picks up a sippy cup from the side and hands it to Alfie, who grabs it and starts sucking on it.

‘I was just finishing the washing-up. I’m going to have to head off, I’m afraid.’ I wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans. ‘I said I’d pop in and see Dad this afternoon.’

‘Of course, well, it was great to see you.’

‘And I think we should get going on that bike ride,’ says Verity. She walks over to Joel and slips her arm around his waist.

Soph starts to ask her about it and Joel looks over to me. We lock eyes and all the hurt that I’ve ever felt over him comes rushing back. It doesn’t matter what we felt for each other seventeen years ago or what I think I feel now – he’s getting married and moving to America.

I turn away and make my excuses to go, trying my hardest to sound sincere to Verity when I give her my best wishes for the wedding, but I don’t look at Joel again. The pain is too raw.

I try and keep it together walking to the car but as soon as I’m away from them I feel my heart break in two.

Chapter 34

Normally I’d throw myself into work, to help distract me from my problems, but I was determined not to this time around. I went through with the plan I came up with on the train and redistributed the workload across the team so less fell on my shoulders. Aaron and Claire were pleased that they were finally getting to help. Ever since Dad went off sick, they’ve been pushing for me to share the load, and I’m truly grateful for how dedicated and loyal our staff are. I’ve said sorry to Layla for being so horrible lately and I only felt even more of a worse friend with how well she took the apology, telling me she understood, and how quickly she forgave me.