The song stops as abruptly as it started and ‘I Gotta Feeling’ by the Black Eyed Peas starts to play. We peel apart and I feel a little bit sheepish that I got caught up in the moment. Joel smiles at me and he starts to do what can only be described as awful dad dancing. Something’s shifted. It no longer feels weird that it’s just me and him here alone. In fact, I’m almost glad that it is just the two of us. It feels like we’ve put whatever happened between us in the past and we can be more like the friends that we used to be.

It makes me think that Joel’s right. I don’t have to always live in the moment, but every so often I need to remember to get lost in it. Like this one where I’m dancing like I did seventeen years ago and loving every single second. It’s like the years in between have fallen away and I’m that woman that I was then, the one I should have been. Turns out she hadn’t gone away; she was here all along. I just needed to let her out.

Chapter 19

THEN

I wasn’t sure at what point I fell in love with Joel during that summer. Whether it’d happened over time as we’d got to know each other and our friendship deepened, or if there’d been a catalyst. But all I knew was that one moment he was my friend and the next he was everything.

After I broke up with Scott, I would walk around the holiday park hoping to see him at every turn. I would count down the minutes of my shifts hoping I’d find him after. While heading to the beach, I’d walk that little bit slower to the group so we could trail behind the others and talk. I often found myself trying to sit next to him when watching a DVD together.

It didn’t feel one-sided, though, because he seemed to reciprocate the behaviour. During my shifts, he’d show up in reception without any reason. He’d watch an inordinate number of romantic comedies, even though he thought they were a waste of time, and on days when I was tired and grumpy, he’d just happen to pass the bakery and get my favourite ring donuts.