I was bustled into a car and my hastily packed kit put in the boot. I leant my head against the window and cradled the bucket that Lionel had given me, my hangover raging, but that wasn’t the worst of my pain.

My mum was gone. All I could think of as grief tightened its grip on my heart was that I was never going to see her again and it was all my fault.

Chapter 30

The car journey to the hospital is the longest I’ve ever taken in my life. It’s only usually an hour to Basingstoke from Westerly but it seems to have taken ten times longer today. Joel screeches to a halt at the drop-off bay.

‘Thank you, for bringing me.’ I gather up my bag and release my seat belt. I look out at the vastness of the hospital; the sounds of sirens in the background are making it feel all too real.

‘Of course. Let me park up and I can come in and wait with you.’

‘I couldn’t ask you to do that.’

‘You didn’t, I offered.’

I lean over and I give him a hug.

‘No need, I’ll be fine. Thank you anyway.’

I get out of the car and hurry to the reception. After enquiring about Dad’s ward, I navigate the rabbit warren of corridors to the family room where Julie and Claire are waiting inside.

Julie bursts into tears when she sees me and I do exactly the same. It’s written all over her face how worried she is about Dad. I walk over and hug her and it makes her cry even more.

‘He’s going to be OK,’ I tell her. ‘I take it there’s no more news?’

I pull away and look over at Claire who shakes her head. She hands us both a tissue then gives me a hug.

‘I’m sure I sound like a broken record, but no news is good news,’ she says. ‘Listen, now that Edie’s here, do you two want to be alone?’

Both Julie and I reach our hands out and take hers.

‘No, stay, please,’ I say, my voice shaky.

The door to the family room opens and a young male doctor walks in and I squeeze Claire’s hand tighter.

‘Is he OK?’ I ask. My heart feels like it’s in my mouth. I finally understand what that expression means. ‘Was it a heart attack?’

‘It wasn’t a heart attack,’ he says. Julie yelps with relief and I stand there motionless, almost unable to believe it. ‘But it is unstable angina, which could lead to a heart attack if we don’t act. His arteries are blocked and we’re going to need to put a stent in; do you know what that is?’