‘Very funny, Joel, and highly observant. Although not so observant that you didn’t realise that you were on the wrong floor. You needed to go up another flight of stairs. This is flat four on the second floor.’

‘Bollocks,’ he said, turning to me, the full horror of the situation registering. He looked so peaky he was almost translucent. ‘I’m sorry, I must be in the room above you. I was helping out with the limbo competition and I may have had a little too much punch.’

‘The alcohol is only supposed to be for the guests,’ said Elizabeth, exasperated. ‘Now keep it down. I’m on sunrise reception duty and if I don’t get eight hours of sleep, I’m a right bitch.’

I caught Joel’s eye and he pulled the same smirk as I did.

She stormed back to her room and, in case we hadn’t realised she was cross, she slammed the door so hard that the flat rattled.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Joel, in a lower, more apologetic tone.

‘That’s OK; I’m sure it’s an easy mistake to make. These flats all look the same.’

‘Yeah. Same room just wrong floor.’

I nodded before it dawned on me what that meant.

‘You’re from the room above me? Eww, you’re the weird-noise-sex guy.’

‘I’m what?’

‘Figures that you’d turn up in my room naked.’

I picked up my hairbrush again, still unsure what I’d actually do with it. To think I’d been flattered when he’d called me beautiful, when he was probably at it with everyone.

‘What? No? What are you talking about? I haven’t even had sex.’

I couldn’t help raising an eyebrow.

‘Here. I haven’t had sex here. I’ve only been here a week. Give me a chance,’ he said, crossing his legs.

‘Then what are all the noises and the grunting that I hear? Sometimes you’re at it for hours. The bed keeps squeaking and then it’s followed by grunting.’ I wrinkled my face up even more. ‘On second thought, don’t answer that. I don’t want to know what you were doing alone.’

Joel’s eyes were blinking rapidly.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about. It must be coming from another room.’

‘But everything’s laid out the same, right? Your bedroom is in the same exact position just up there? There’s squeaking and grunting.’

‘Oh,’ he said, sighing with relief. He laughed again and there was that smile. ‘It’s not what you think.’

‘I don’t want to know,’ I said, turning my back, not so much that I didn’t want to hear what he had to say but because that smile was dangerous.