‘I was looking for a slightly more eloquent way to put it, but that’s it, isn’t it?’

‘I guess so,’ he says, before he shakes his head and sighs. ‘We were happy though, weren’t we?’

I nod, feeling the tears starting to form in my eyes. Whilst I’ve known this was coming it still hasn’t prepared me for it to happen.

‘We were.’

‘But that wasn’t enough for you?’

The question stuns me for a second. I have, on the face of it, a perfect-looking life, good job, nice flat, and a caring boyfriend, but it doesn’t feel right.

‘I guess, I’ve felt for a long time that something’s been missing. I’ve often thought that it’s my mum. I thought I’d always feel incomplete without her. And I think to some extent that’s true – I’ll always have bits of me missing and the space in my heart that she should still be filling – but I’ve come to realise that that’s not all of it. There’s something missing because I’m not living the life I truly want.’

‘So, it’s not just about the whole baby thing?’

I purse my lips together; there’s so much that we haven’t talked about.

‘No, it’s definitely more than that, but that’s a big thing in itself. I still don’t know if I will have kids but I know that I can’t rule it out entirely.’

‘You know, we should have maybe had this conversation when we met. It would have saved us a lot of heartache.’

‘Perhaps that’s just something we’ve learnt that’ll teach us for the next time. Maybe you’ll be the one in your next relationship that’ll be making them feel like they’ve had a therapy session.’

Miles cracks a smile.

‘It’s so weird that you’re talking about my next relationship. We’re really doing this whole break-up thing?’

He turns to me and I remember all the good times we’ve had, all the memories that would make a best-bits compilation if we were on a reality TV show. It makes me wonder if I’m losing the plot, but then I think about why I’m doing this and the life I want to lead and what I want from the future. The future that Miles isn’t going to be able to give me.

‘I think we’re really doing this,’ I say, echoing his words and letting out a deep breath, trying to hold my tears at bay. I wrap my hands around my wine glass to ground me.

‘It’s just so weirdly amicable; I’ve never had a break-up like this.’

‘I know, it’s a head-fuck, isn’t it? It makes you wonder if you’re doing the right thing,’ I say.