He takes a sip of his drink and then pulls a face.

‘No, they’re really not.’

I nod, glad that we’re on the same page for this at least.

‘Something’s changed.’

‘You’ve changed,’ he says softly. It’s not an accusation, merely a statement. I let it sink in. He’s right; I have.

‘I know.’

‘I don’t know who you are anymore.’

He sits down on the chair next to me and puts his drink on the table.

‘I think the problem was that I didn’t know who I was. That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out over the last few months.

I’ve been trying to remember who I wanted to be in the past and who I want to be now.’

‘You mean the teaching? That was a shock. You’ve never even told me that you don’t like your job. I mean, you’re a company director, why would you give all that up?’

‘I know it probably doesn’t make any sense to you.’ I take a deep breath because none of this is Miles’s fault; it’s mine for not being open with him in the first place. ‘Do you know that it’s what I wanted to do before my mum died? I had a place at the University of Leicester to read English and I was thinking of becoming a teacher. I had it all planned, I got the grades, I was off … and then they were in the accident.’

‘I didn’t know.’ He shakes his head and leans over, taking my hand.

‘That’s because I never told you. Don’t you think that’s weird that we’ve been together seven months and we’ve never really spoken about my mum or about her death or how it completely changed the course of my life? Not to mention I’ve never mentioned the accident. Or that losing her made me scared to have my own children, even though the older I get, the more I’m starting to want them?’

Miles looks at me with the kind of pity I always try and avoid.

‘I just thought you were a private person. I actually found it quite refreshing.’

‘Refreshing?’ I say, confused.

‘Yeah, my ex was a big oversharer; constantly telling me and worrying about every little detail of her life and asking me what I was thinking. I didn’t mind it at first, but it was exhausting by the end. I felt like I was more her therapist than her boyfriend. So, it was a bit of a relief to be honest when I met you and you never wanted to talk about things.’

He picks up his drink and takes a large sip.

‘I get that. We’ve got the same problem of our past experiences tending to …’

‘Fuck us up?’ he says.