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Back No Going Back: a Novel Save as PDF
Chapters (84)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Part 1
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. Part 2
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. Part 3
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. Part 4
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. Part 5
  60. 53
  61. 54
  62. 55
  63. 56
  64. 57
  65. 58
  66. Part 6
  67. 59
  68. 60
  69. 61
  70. 62
  71. 63
  72. 64
  73. 65
  74. 66
  75. 67
  76. 68
  77. 69
  78. 70
  79. 71
  80. 72
  81. Acknowledgments
  82. About the Author
  83. Also by Sheena Kamal
  84. About the Publisher

“I didn’t think—”

“You didn’t think I’d care enough.”

In her expression there’s a glimpse of something so infinitely sad that I can’t bear it. “Do you think so little of yourself, Nora, that it never occurred to you that you deserve love and compassion? You spent a year looking after a sick man, hoarding all his secrets, taking care of his every need and not letting anybody else in on your burden.”

I don’t know what I’m expected to say to this. This conversation isn’t supposed to be about me.

“Whoever said you weren’t good enough to care about?” she asks.

I’ve never seen the point of tears. There’s something inside me that grows cold at the thought of shedding them, at the sight of someone else letting them fall. I don’t give in to tears, not even now, because I’ll never take the chance that someone will see it as weakness, as I do. But I wonder what it would be like if I did. I feel like we’re on the brink of something in our friendship.

“You run away,” she continues. “Because you don’t want to stay and ask for love. You keep people at an arm’s length and blame them for not wanting to come closer when you’re the one that pushed them to the corners of your universe. You think I don’t know what it’s like to feel like I don’t have anyone? Like I’m not worthy of love?”

“You’re wonderful.”

“Of course I am,” she snaps. “I don’t need anyone to tell me that.”

“Are you done?”

“No, actually I’m just getting started. You want to slay Bonnie’s dragons and chase all her demons away, but you put yourself in danger because you don’t see yourself in her life, being there for her and having a functional relationship. So let me ask you this, Nora: Who slays your dragons?”

Krista Dennings had asked the same thing, in her own way. “I slay them myself.”

She nods. “I was afraid you’d say that. One of these days, you’ll look around and find that you are truly alone and that you always have been because you’re too afraid to let anyone see you. And I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking you don’t need anyone else because you have Whisper, and I don’t even want to start on how fucked up that is. Whisper has people. Whisper has made friends and has a better community than you do. Think about that. Dogs are pack animals. She has others, and at the end of the day, if something happens to her, you have nobody else. You continue this way and you won’t even have me.”