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Back No Going Back: a Novel Save as PDF
Chapters (84)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Part 1
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. Part 2
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. Part 3
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. Part 4
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. Part 5
  60. 53
  61. 54
  62. 55
  63. 56
  64. 57
  65. 58
  66. Part 6
  67. 59
  68. 60
  69. 61
  70. 62
  71. 63
  72. 64
  73. 65
  74. 66
  75. 67
  76. 68
  77. 69
  78. 70
  79. 71
  80. 72
  81. Acknowledgments
  82. About the Author
  83. Also by Sheena Kamal
  84. About the Publisher

As I sat and looked out at this pretty picture it struck me that there was an emptiness in me that should have been filled with fear. I almost drowned once. I shouldn’t have felt so free out on the water. But all my senses were alive. I could feel the sand underneath me. Taste the salt on my lips. Feel the cool coconut water going down my parched throat. Hear the surf gurgling toward me. Watch the sea move in the sunlight, so clear and pure.

About twenty feet away a woman I recognized as a waitress at the resort restaurant waded into the water. She let the waves lick her thighs for a few minutes, splashed water on her arms to the shoulder, then waded out again. She proceeded to scrub sand over her arms and legs in brisk circular motions and returned to the sea to rinse it off. When she emerged again, her skin was pink and clean. I watched her meander away down the beach, around a bend and out of sight. Then, inexplicably, she returned this way almost immediately, her movements quick. As soon as she was within sight of the resort she slowed again. There’s something about this stretch of beach we were both on that felt safe. Who knows what lurks beyond the bend?

A kind of peace settled over me as the sun rose, brought on by the simplicity of a woman’s early-morning ablutions. There was a certainty building inside, growing out of the emptiness. What has happened since we filled in the blanks with Dao hasn’t changed it.

Which is why, as I get out of bed the next day, I feel no guilt, no regret.

I take the small bag I packed earlier and leave Brazuca behind without looking back.

Almost twenty-four hours after my swim in the ocean, the dawn breaks gently over the horizon as I get on my gray Honda scooter and drive away.

Money and blackmail, of course, Lam said. This wasn’t his first lie to me, but it was his big one. There’s a reason he wants to keep me away from the meeting. My presence here is the little worm you stick on the end of a hook.

To Bernard Lam, I’m nothing but bait.

40

Acosta’s estate is on a street full of other estates. It’s an enclave of wealth and power on a poor island, so of course it’s a gated community. The locals trickle in from the nearby town to work at the villas beyond the security checkpoint, but I’d never pass for one of them. In Vancouver I’m taken to be the help on a regular basis. But that’s not going to work here.