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Back No Going Back: a Novel Save as PDF
Chapters (84)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Part 1
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. Part 2
  19. 15
  20. 16
  21. 17
  22. 18
  23. 19
  24. 20
  25. 21
  26. 22
  27. 23
  28. 24
  29. 25
  30. 26
  31. 27
  32. 28
  33. 29
  34. 30
  35. 31
  36. 32
  37. Part 3
  38. 33
  39. 34
  40. 35
  41. 36
  42. 37
  43. 38
  44. 39
  45. 40
  46. 41
  47. 42
  48. Part 4
  49. 43
  50. 44
  51. 45
  52. 46
  53. 47
  54. 48
  55. 49
  56. 50
  57. 51
  58. 52
  59. Part 5
  60. 53
  61. 54
  62. 55
  63. 56
  64. 57
  65. 58
  66. Part 6
  67. 59
  68. 60
  69. 61
  70. 62
  71. 63
  72. 64
  73. 65
  74. 66
  75. 67
  76. 68
  77. 69
  78. 70
  79. 71
  80. 72
  81. Acknowledgments
  82. About the Author
  83. Also by Sheena Kamal
  84. About the Publisher

“The baby couldn’t have been yours,” I say. I don’t know where these words are coming from, only that I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to. Some part of me acknowledging that this man doesn’t get to slip away quietly. “Bloodwork would have shown that. Jia would never have risked taking Bonnie if Kai wasn’t the father. You were never her family, even in spirit. She was using you. It was just a fantasy she let you believe because it was convenient to her. All this, and for what?”

His eyes lock on to mine, but he can’t move. Can’t speak. He dies soon after, choking on his own blood.

It’s not enough. There is no satisfaction. This is the part of me I was hiding from Bonnie when she asked about morality. What I have inside me, you wouldn’t even believe.

It hurts so much to think of her now.

The silence returns, and it’s both external with the hush brought by the snowfall and inside of me with the finality of death. So much death, and part of it feels like my own.

Snow falls heavily now, blanketing the trees. Because death is on my mind, I think of Seb Crow. He didn’t read fiction, but there was one novel he kept on his shelf in the study where I saw him last. Snow Falls on the Cedars. No. Snow Falling on Cedars. But I never read it.

Why does this come to me now? I can’t stay here any longer.

Back in the guesthouse I kneel beside my daughter and her mother.

I don’t ever want them to be alone in here again.

It’s then that I hear a sound, a rattle of a breath. A soft cry. Coming from Lynn—no. From underneath Lynn. From Bonnie.

My own breath lodges in my throat as desperate hope and panic take hold of me. My throat clears. Lungs open up as full as a singer who’s been waiting for her encore. And I start to scream for help as loud as I can.

69

When the police show up, they try to arrest me again even though Kristof explains to them that I had no part in the shootout.

They believe him eventually, because of his crisp appearance, his pale face shining out at them with confidence. He’s arguing for me, and some part of me wants to be grateful, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters anymore because they have whisked Bonnie away to the hospital and I can’t focus on anything else.

I’m taken to an interview room. People speak to me, but I don’t hear them. “Where’s my daughter?”

“Can you tell me—” says a cop with the earnest face of a teenager.

“How is she?”

“Ms. Watts, this is a serious—”