I pull a chair out from the table and sit down. “I don’t think he feels left out since he’s cut himself off from church, but he really looks up to you. I think it would mean a lot if he knew you wanted to see him around. Not that he’s said that, but I’m guessing so.”

“Noted. I’ll send him a text this afternoon, reiterating your invite.”

“Good.”

It gets quiet, and I stand. I get the impression that I’m getting in the way of their kissing. “Maybe I’ll see you two tonight,” I say, throwing a loaded look over my shoulder.

This is not something I anticipated when I left my old life and decided to find my family. In a few short months, I’ve moved in with my uncle, I’ve gotten a job, I’ve met Micah. Who I spent a good hour kissing on the couch the last time I saw him. Just kissing … but, well. We’re pretty good at it. So good, in fact, that while his hands stayed in safe places the entire time, it felt like they were all over me. When I walked him to the door at the end of the night, I felt as wobbly as a newborn unicorn. But like, a unicorn who turned into fire. Like a mythological fire unicorn. Burning from the inside out.

Obviously, I know what it’s like to be turned on. I’ve read about it. But I’ve never, like, lived it. It’s a bit agonizing. And very consuming. It took me a lot of hours to fall asleep that night. I desperately wanted to text Micah and see if he was suffering as much as I was … but then I wondered if that would be considered sexting and decided I wasn’t ready for that.

Then I thought about reading my Bible. But that felt like something my mom would have suggested. Feeling tempted? Read Lamentations until you forget what it is to be human. Repress, repress, repress. And I didn’t want to repress because the incredible truth was that I felt alive. So alive and crazy about a boy who seemed just as crazy about me.

Instead, I tried a cold shower (since that’s what the female protagonists always do in alternative universe fan fiction), which did not help. Until it did. Via the massage setting on the shower nozzle.

Problem solved. I slept like a baby after that.

But here it is again. This morning, walking in on that (admittedly pretty PG) moment between my uncle and Dani has me all distracted. If that’s all it takes, I’m in trouble. I wonder if being so carefully sheltered has actually backfired. If I hadn’t been kept from seeing any physical affection growing up (on-screen or off-), maybe I wouldn’t be so sensitive to it after a single night of couch kissing.