I don’t want to say this next part. It will hurt. But after five years, it needs to be said. Maybe I am ready to confront a parent, just not the one everyone wants me to. “And I think that’s your revenge. You want him to see that you raised me better, so you can rub it in his face. It kills you that I don’t go to church, because what you would love more than anything is for me to be a model Christian. You want to feel like you still won. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the pamphlets you’ve left around for Bible college the last three years. I’m not your chance to do it better, Mom. I’m not Dad with the glitch fixed. I’m broken. He broke me.” My words cut off, and silent tears roll down my mom’s cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” I say. It feels inadequate.

She shakes her head quickly, pressing her tears dry. “No. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Micah. I—” She starts to reach for me but pulls back. Something inside of me fissures. “I can finish here,” she says. “Go on outside and save Meg from Brian and James.”

I don’t say anything more. She’s sniffling, and I’m not sure what I can say to make this better. I don’t regret what I’ve said, but I don’t feel good about it. My entire body is clenched. As if I’ve turned to ice, my molecules have drawn in on themselves and hardened. One more strike and I’ll shatter.

I slip on my shoes and step out the front door. Meg is sitting on the stoop and turns to face me, her smile slipping when she takes in my expression. She stands quickly.

“Micah? What happened?”

I shake my head and nod toward my apartment. She doesn’t ask if I want her to follow me. She just does.

A few minutes later, I’m sitting on the floor, my back against the couch. Meg’s curled up on one side of me, and Cash is on the other, his chin resting on my lap while Meg strokes his ears.

Meg asks if I want to talk about it, and I tell her, “Not tonight.” We stay that way until the darkness chases the shadows from my walls and there’s a soft knock on the door. It’s James, seeing if Meg wants a ride back.

“Do you need me to stay?”

I shake my head. I don’t want her walking back in the dark. “I’ll be fine.”

She kisses me once on the lips and leans down to stage-whisper to Cash, “Take care of him.”