“Yes and no,” he says, again turning to face the jury. “Yes, in that I know that Lauren must have felt something was missing if she engaged in an extramarital affair. The fact that she became involved with a woman further indicates to me that she was searching for something that I couldn’t provide her. That revelation . . . it was like losing Lauren for a second time. I’m never going to be able to talk to her about what drove her away like that. I’m never going to be able to make it up to her.”

To my surprise, Richard begins to choke up. During prep he had done a similar speech, but always delivered it smoothly. I’m not sure if it’s the realization of the fact that he’s doing it for real that has brought on this rush of emotion or if he’s putting on a show.

“You answered my previous question concerning whether the recent revelations about your wife’s affair with Ms. Goodwin brought you to a different conclusion regarding the state of your marriage by saying yes and no. I think you provided us the yes part of your answer. What’s the no part?”

“The no part is that I know that my feelings for Lauren were true. I loved her. And, although I can never be certain of this, I have to believe that she loved me too. The way I think about it now is that she got lost, but she would have found her way back to me in the end. I know that I would have welcomed her back with open arms. That’s why her death . . . her murder . . . is so much more tragic. Not only because we’ve been denied the rest of our lives together, but also because I have to live with uncertainty about how she felt about me in the end. I know Lauren. She would have thought that taking away my faith in her love was somehow worse than death.”

Richard’s laying it on thick, that’s for sure. I would have told him to tone it down if he’d shared with me that he was going to say that Lauren would view his uncertainty about her love as worse than death. That’s something a narcissist says, not a grieving husband.

“When did you first learn that your wife had been unfaithful?”

“When . . . ironically enough now, Dana Goodwin told me. It was part of the police investigation. She was with Lieutenant Velasquez. They told me that there was circumstantial evidence of an affair. I honestly didn’t believe it. And then, of course, when Dana was arrested, I learned of the text messages. There was no denying it any longer.”

“To be one hundred percent clear, you had no idea of the affair until after your wife was murdered?”