During our affair, from time to time, we’d talk about a future together, but it was a fairy tale. I thought we both understood that. I couldn’t imagine leaving Stuart, although I also couldn’t put into words why I felt so bound to him. For some reason, it seemed like I’d be leaving Jacob too, even though Lauren reminded me repeatedly that’s not how divorce worked.

What we had never discussed was what would happen if we broke up. How could we work together? And if we couldn’t, which one of us would leave? Those things were never far from my mind. Nor I assume from Lauren’s either. I assume that, like me, she found them too depressing to consider, which is why we never spoke of them aloud.

I followed that approach now too, remaining silent in the face of her challenge. That was all the answer Lauren needed.

She shook her head. I’d never felt lower. She wasn’t conveying disappointment as much as contempt.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

I couldn’t believe how quickly my life was unraveling, even though I should have been prepared for it to unfold in exactly this way. If she told Richard, he’d never tolerate my continuing to work with his wife. I could involve HR, or even sue, but that would only make everything worse. If I did that, Lauren would be fired for sleeping with a subordinate, but my career would be over too. McKenney would never make me bureau chief—not after I’d slept with my boss and then turned on her. He’d appoint someone outside the group, and that person would replace me in short order with someone he or she could trust. In the end, all I’d accomplish by going public would be hurting a lot of people, especially Lauren, and delay the damage to my career by a few short months.

Which meant that I’d have to be the one to leave Special Vics. But for where? Stickleman wouldn’t take me back, not after he seemed so insulted when I left. I could try the private sector, but it would take months. If Lauren told Richard about us, he wouldn’t wait patiently while I looked for new employment.

Then I thought about Stuart, and everything got even worse. If Lauren was fired, it would be a public matter. Our affair would be known to everyone. But if I was the one to leave, even if I told others it was to enter the private sector, or to go back to General Crimes, Stuart would know it wasn’t true. I’d told him too many times how much I loved it at Special Vics. If I left, he’d know it was because of Lauren.