Ryan pretty much talked about the same things as his sister and while Jamie looked on attentively, my mind was racing thinking about all the promises that Mum had broken. It really hurt because Mum had kept promises for most of the time that I was a little kid, so I really trusted her. And then she went, well, the way she is, and that really hurt too because I knew it wasn’t really her. And that’s what I spoke about when it came to being my turn to talk.

And this time I didn’t really feel nervous about talking about those things to the group, how Mum even blamed her broken promises on other people. I wanted to get it all out and as I spoke, I could see everyone in the group nodding along to the things I said, including Sue. Not because they agreed with the way I saw my situation, but because they’d experienced the same things from the alcoholic in their lives.

Jamie didn’t speak about the promises that his dad had broken, he talked about the types of promises he wanted his dad to be able to keep one day, like taking him out for dinner on his birthday, taking him to the beach on a weekend, and ultimately, not drinking so that Jamie didn’t need to worry about him so much.

But then Jamie said, ‘One day, when I was younger and still really into fishing, Dad promised to take me fishing on a weekend. I’d spent the week making rigs for different fish and I’d got my tackle box all in order. I was super excited. All I could think about was Dad picking me up with the boat on the trailer and being out on the water and catching all of these fish. I really liked eating fish then.’ He shook his head and screwed up his face. ‘I can’t eat them now. I hate them, because Dad never turned up to take me fishing. I haven’t been out on the boat with him in years, and he owns a boat shop! There’s always an excuse.’ He paused a bit, took a deep breath and then said, ‘I know I’m only punishing myself if I expect these things, so I guess for now, the best I can do is promise myself not to expect Dad to keep his promises.’

I was all choked up by what Jamie was saying and I couldn’t believe it, I wanted to give him a big hug. Instead, I caught his eye and gave him a nod.

Sue ended the meeting by reading The Serenity Prayer again and I really enjoyed it. It reminded me to focus on myself, to give to myself, to keep promises to myself.